Tag Archives: punishment

The Lines

 

He sets the punishment; a number of lines, to be done neatly in repentance.

 

“Puf,” she glares at him, “You can do them yourself.”

 

He smiles and agrees.

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Winning

This is a glass of wine post. You know the kind of post where I pretend we are having a glass of wine together and catching up? This is a chat between friends.

Recently I wrote in a few comments that I was getting the upper hand with Dexter. I was not really, I was a bit confused, a bit impatient and a bit tense about everything. It is very hard to explain why. I think sometimes I have a script in my head, a list of what everyone should do and say and when people deviate from that list I get very confused and annoyed.

I am not an easy woman. I wish I was. I read sometimes about delightful women who express themselves gently and, even better, know themselves. I am not like that. I throw little tantrums. I get upset. I get all knotted up. And then I have to be undone, which is what happened at the weekend.

I am not going to tell you everything, just edited highlights.

I got told off and I got caned for staying up late. I have a very awful habit of getting tired, working very hard and then refusing to sleep. Those women I described earlier in this piece would not do that. They would say, “I am tired. I will go to bed early.” I refuse to sleep. I push myself to exhaustion and beyond. Dexter was watching this and waiting for me to stop it and when I did not he set me a time to be in bed by and I just thought that I would not do what he said. I do not naturally obey.

So I got told off (which is worse that being spanked and caned) I got spanked. I got put in the corner. I got caned and then I got put back in the corner. That might sound like overkill but that is the kind of effort it takes to make me submit. Except I realised something about my submission on Sunday and I want to tell you about it.

I was standing in the corner and still not submissive. I was happy. I felt safe and looked after. My bum had that dry, hard heat of being caned all over it. I had my skirt tucked up in my hands and my nose against the wall. But I did not want to be there. I was a little silly. I wanted a hug and to play around. I was just being happy naughty.

And then I thought about if I was supposed to be something else. Was I supposed to be repentant? Was I supposed to be contrite and tuck myself away inside? It occurred to me that I had not the slightest inclination to stay in the corner. So why was I there?

One thing kept me there. Dexter is really, really strong. He has these big strong arms and these big strong thighs (that I get bent over) and so if I want to go somewhere I just get caught and put back, maybe even an extra spanking for bad measure.

I had thought this is not proper submission. he is not doing it properly. But then I realised something and I am still processing it.

When he decides that I am going to do something then I end up doing it. I might point blank refuse and he just laughs a little (sometimes he does not even laugh and that is scary) and makes me do it.

My mental submission is not required for my submission. He is going to win. I might be convinced I can win. I might be convinced that he will not have an impact but if he wants me in the corner with my skirt held up from my red bottom then that is what happens. If he wants me to do something or say something then that will happen.

I am starting to suspect, when I am standing resentfully in the corner waiting for the sting to go down and reviewing how he will never win, that he has already won and that I am the only person not to realise that.

I am not saying I am sure of all this. It is just a very strong suspicion I have.

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Fantasy Monday: The Root Of All Evil

She leans back on the sofa, resting the back of two fingers on her lips. Her back is straight and she looks ahead at the television with a studied air of relaxation on her face. She keeps her breathing steady and deep. He will not get any indication of how annoyed she is.  This piece of her is not for him. He does not even deserve to know how angry she is, that is too intimate.

He turns the television off. Neither of them says a word. A motorbike goes past on the street. A water tank empties somewhere in the house. A laptop hums quietly in hibernation mode.

“Do you want to tell me what the problem is?” He has no emotion in his voice, neither urgency, patience, nor fear. He asks her as if he is offering to take the bin out.

In her head she stands and screams at him. She spits out a vitriolic speech that leaves him open mouthed, silenced and repentant.

“No.” She says. They both know this is a declaration of war. She is just refusing to name her demands. She refuses to look at him. She owes him nothing; her attention is not for him. Her heart beats so hard it hurts her chest. She looks away from him, to her left. There is a little table there. It has a watch, a phone, an empty mug and an old magazine. With intrepid, lying hands she picks up the magazine. He will not do anything. She is almost sure. She has to behave like he is powerless and he will be powerless.

She feels the weight on the sofa shift as he stands up, she looks harder to her left to avoid seeing him. He stands in front of her, dark jeans push against her knees. She pretends not to know what he wants. He squats down so his face is level with hers and takes her chin in between his thumb and his index finger. Forced to face him she strains her eyes to look down and avoid him. It may be determination to not let him see her. It may be concern that if she looks at him she will yield but either way she looks down seeing her own cheeks in her vision as she strains against his hold.

She feels him study her and for a moment wonders what he sees there. ‘Is he afraid of me?’ she asks herself. “Go and stand in the corner,” he tells her and she has her answer. His voice is brutal in the quiet and it jars her. She knows she should not be treated like this. She knows that he will regret his actions. He is wrong.

She pulls her chin away in semi circle and keeps her eyes away for him as she stands. She smiles to herself as she paces herself where he has put her a thousand times before. She pulls her skirt up and tucks her hands behind her back. With her head straight she feels the nobility of having right on her side. She will not give him one reason to correct her. She even considers asking him what he wants her to do with her knickers but as she feels them tugged down behind her, her back hardens in resolution.

She stares hard at the wall. She will not move. This is not obedience she tells herself. This is not giving him one opportunity to tell her what to do. He will not be able to have any impression on her. She curses his strength, curses that if she started to walk away he would easily catch her and place her back where he wants her. She will not allow him to make it any worse than it is now. He will not control her.

He watches.

When he sees a tiny shift in her, he tells her not to move. Leaning back in the sofa he relaxes as he watches her.  It is most unlike her not to shuffle – he reads her shoulders and the poise in her head. He sees indignation and rage. He smiles.

When he turns her around to face him he is unsurprised by the flashing of her eyes. But she stays silent as he asks her again what the problem is. This time she studies his chin and refuses to answer. Her rage is working perfectly. She is not even afraid.

He feels no concern. He feels nothing but the interest of a man with a puzzle to solve. He places her over the arm of the sofa. It is a high backed sofa, the arms are such that when she is positioned her toes are off the floor, ‘Perfect presentation,’ he thinks to himself.

She uses her arms to keep her top half stiff, holding herself above the sofa, showing what she hopes is indignation; a silent martyr act that will carry her through whatever he thinks will alter this. She will forgive him, she thinks to herself, she will forgive him when he apologises because she is not so difficult as he is.

She hears him leave the room.

She waits.

The fear that she has been ignoring gives a polite cough inside her head to remind her it is there. She tries to think of something to say on his return but cannot think of anything that will not sound like she is asking for something and she will not give him that.

Her arms ache. She alters her position and seeks the floor with a tip toe.  She knows her bum is placed just where he wants it, curved, presented and vulnerable. Somewhere inside her there is a pang of something. She realises she is waiting for him. She realises she wants him to come and get her, and she realises he won’t do anything until he decides to and all this time she thought he was waiting for her to soften.

He returns and stands behind her naked bum, taking a step forward so that her legs are forced apart. She doesn’t know that she will move but finds herself hiding her head, forcing it downwards in shame as he is so close to her. Se squeezes her eyes tight shut to avoid knowing what he can see. She cannot close her legs even an inch as he stands resolutely between them.

She feels his hand on her bottom, manipulating it in a way that makes her blush all down her back, she thinks he is going to place himself inside her and braces herself for the pleasure that hurts, unsure of his she feels about this intrusion. Her mouth slowly opens in an “O” and a gasp as she breathes in as he inserts into her tight bottom a root that makes her beg him for mercy in an instant.

Still he says nothing as he slides the vicious little punishment into place and waits for a moment behind her to admire his handiwork.

It takes several moments for the sting to develop. Her stubborn, deep breathing alters and it becomes an inhale and exhale to manage the pain. He stands away from her and watches her legs as they wave around and he knows that she has forgotten her dignity. Her polished toes stretch out behind her as her toned legs straighten as she attempts to control the pain. He casually runs a finger tip down her right calf as he walks around her unhappy frame and sits down on the sofa. She concentrates on the distress in her bottom so much that she s only aware of him when the cushions under her fists yield and tip her upper body forward.

“Please,” she says to his thigh, she rests her elbows on the cushions, crying out as the tipping forward closes her bottom tighter around the ginger. She tries to say more as she loses her speech to a garbled rush of distress.

He reaches out with his right hand and places a finger under her chin, tilting the increasingly compliant girl in his direction. His grey eyes meet her open, pleading blue ones as he asks a silent question with his raised eye brows.

“Oh, God,” she tries to swallow her impatience, “Please take it out. I told you, I can’t do this. It hurts too much. Please, please take it out.”

He holds her head in place, studying her face keenly before he ponders, “I asked you what the problem is and you wouldn’t tell me. I think you wanted me to work it out for myself and the thing is,” he tilts her head left and right a little, appreciating the pliable attitude of the girl on his finger, “the thing is, I am not sure you are ready to tell me yet.  Or ..” he speaks a little louder to cover her protests, she quickly falls into obedient silence, “I am not sure I care what the problem was because now,” he kisses her nose lightly “you appear to have a whole new problem. Don’t you?”

He lets her head go and she hangs forward, trying to scrabble forward so she can rest her head on his thigh but every movement towards him forces her legs tighter together and increases the burning pressure inside.

She tries very hard to think of what she should say. She tries to think of what her point was before but she cannot remember it. She just wants him to take this pain away. She just wants him to make it better. “Please help.” She asks after minutes of this wrestling. Her head tucked into her arms she waits for him to rescue her.

He absentmindedly strokes her head as he explains to her what she must do. Each time she objects he stops talking until the silence and the terrible pain forces her to beg him again to continue.

And this is how she finds herself in ignoble pain, bent over the sofa, with the infernal root still threatening damnation as she asks the man standing behind her the terrible question.

“Please, Sir, will you cane me?”

Each expert, crisp stripe causes her to scream out and kick which awakens the burning inside her bottom. Each time he pauses and makes her still herself and ask politely and with all due respect, “Please Sir, may I have another?”

Red lines across her, blazing pain inside her and she is lost to everything but what he tells her. Each time she thinks she will not be able to feel the next impact as her bottom has been so assaulted but he ensures that is not the case. Calm, measured eye and patient practised hand ensure she is delivered entirely to her repentance.

When he sees this in her, when he sees total submission in her body and when he hears it in her voice once more he stands forward and makes her open her legs for him. This time there is no protest. She meekly opens for him as though he were her gate keeper and as he starts to remove the punishment from her bottom he knows that she is totally his now and they both expect more from him than this. Instead he taps the root back into place listening in vain for her objection and walks around her to her drooping head and shoulders.

When she hears his zip open she lifts her head and opens her mouth in one movement. The position of her body is perfect to allow him to push himself into her mouth to the hilt. For the first time he is the one to gasp as he holds her hair and pulls her gently on and off him. He can see the curve of her white flesh descend into angry redness over her bottom. He knows the agony she is in and feels how deep her submission is in her eager mouth and this makes him thrust more eagerly into her.

It takes all his self control to stop himself and pull away for the last time as this ending must be more poetic. Standing behind her for the final time, between her compliant and accommodating legs he finally removes the ginger and places his own hardness inside her. The warmth it has left behind urges him on as does the red stripes which cross her thighs and buttocks, he can see them between his hands as he holds her tight and guides them both to his completion.

 

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With Her Nose Where Two Walls Meet

This girl is not in the corner, I know that but this is a little how it feels.

She feels awkward, her foot behind her and her hands show gestures of self comfort. A girl cannot relax in the corner, there is no way to stand that shows a lackadaisical approach to the whole thing. One is permanently accountable, even for how one stands. These gestures of self comfort she shows, that is how I feel inside and what I would do if I could get away with it.

She is aware I think that her bottom can be seen and that in itself feels silly. Bottoms should not be naked like that, not as a grown up, it is ridiculously embarrassing.

And all she can do is think, she can’t even look herself in the eye. I know that feeling well, that is exactly how being in the corner makes me feel.

It is not like that at first, of course. At first it is all about the pain. The first five or ten minutes are spent using all my concentration not to rub or stroke my sore, red, swollen and possibly striped bum.  I am acutely aware of how cool the wall is and if only I could just lean to the side I could pour my heat into that steady white prison. But  I dare not and I am not sure I deserve it. But I want to, I want to a lot.

I am sorry and I am submissive (unless I have not yet been spanked and that is a whole other story). Towards the end of this time I might have a little cry. I feel silly and I want a hug. I want to sit on his lap (I don’t care about how much it hurts my bottom). 
I want him to rescue me. At this point if he were to say my name and hold out one arm I would run over and fold myself up. I am the picture of repentance.

Slowly this fades and my wish for him to rescue me turns into a sulky pout. “Why won’t he come and get me?” I might sigh a little. I will start to listen to him now, working at his desk, waiting for a pause in the sound of his typing to see if he is going to come and save me. He does not.

I decide he is a mean and unkind man. I tell myself I am not sorry at all -I do not think this would stand up to very close questioning if challenged by him. I am giving him the silent treatment. (Irony is not my strong point at this time.)

This petulant mood is dispersed with waves of sorrow. I am sorry for what I have done, I am embarrassed, I am shy, I want to be forgiven.

But then I sulk again.

Given enough time I may well start to see if I can challenge him a little. I might shift a few inches to my right or let my skirt drop over my bum. This rebellion may appear a little lacklustre to you but it is a risky business. I am certain he can’t see me (I only do stuff when I hear him type) but he does sometimes know what I have done somehow. I think being about four feet away from him in the corner of his office may reduce the chance of my being able to get away with things. He sometimes gives a little bark of an order “Don’t fidget” or some such. That makes my tummy lurch and my nose push itself back where it should be.

Sometimes, some very scary times I hear him stand up out of his chair and walk towards me but that is just too terrifying for me to think about right now so I shall tell you about that another more suitable time (like the 31st of October- it really is that bad.)

 

 

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What Makes A Punishment Take?

*There is a man. He spanks me. I don’t want to talk too much about him so I am going to call him something made up. I picked ‘Dexter’ because it means “right” and this guy always thinks that is what he is.

A couple of weeks ago I fell over. I was on top of a cliff and the view was amazing so I took great care with my steps all the way until I stepped back from the edge. I had some miles to cover and was doing my hike at a bit of a trot. I caught my foot in a tree root and had that horrid moment when one is completely airborne and knows that very soon everything is going to hurt a lot.  I landed with all my weight on my upper arm on a pointed rock. For a few moments I lay totally still and silent on the ground and when I was able I moved myself a little and the pain arrived.  There was a lot of it – and now I know how I deal with a lot of pain.

 Dear Reader, I shouted “Ow.” I shouted it as loud as I could and I shouted it for about a minute. That landing really, really flipping hurt. And not for one second did I even consider shedding a tear. I shook, I even felt a little faint and had to lie down for a moment. But not the thought of a tear came to my eye.

Physical pain does not make me cry. It can frighten me, make me angry, make me anxious and even make me sick but it does not make me cry. I am certain I share this quality with a lot of people.

I have been told that I am not easy to be in charge of. I think that may be true. I have a strong will and, again I can only go by what I have been told, a hard bottom. I am not designed for a weak man.  I am the kind of girl to raise one eyebrow and think to myself, “You had better bring your A game.” But recently a punishment took- it really had an effect on me and I want to write about exactly why it took.

I think I am writing this for Tops. I rarely write for Tops (although I am gratified if they read me and love it when they comment) but this is for them .

The reason I wanted to talk about crying at first is that some people (me included) have crying as an indication of whether or not a punishment spanking has had an impact and it may well be but not always. No matter what it is useful to separate the idea of pain and punishment, making it hurt more does not necessarily make it take more, it is a more subtle art than that. I appreciate Tops know that but it is worth considering.

The punishment that took – I can feel it now, it reaches deep into me, it stays with me. The specific thing I was spanked for I would not do again.

I want to try to describe what it is about that kind of experience

The Threat

“You are in so much trouble.”

I knew I was. I was very worried he would do something where we were. I knew he would not take my knickers down but he has been known to give a public swat and I know he would not be shy about detailing what he was going to do to me. I get very shy in public, he does not. He also makes good on his threats. He will not promise something and not do it.  I could not look at him because he scared me then.  He also is good at glares, think
Victorian headmaster. A threat and a glare followed by a period of enforced waiting start to have an impact on a girl. It is not fear of pain, it is embarrassment of someone else deciding that you are to be punished for something in their own time.

 

The Business Like Nature

There was nothing I could do once we returned to his space. He broke the cigarettes and put one in my mouth. The taste of it was surprisingly unpleasant, not terrifying but ignoble and unwelcome. He moves swiftly but without shaking. He does not make any show of nerves. I believe that he knows everything that is about to happen. He has made his mind up and I know that.  When he is like this he takes up more space than normal and I don’t want to be near him. I gravitate to the edge of rooms and forget what I normally do with my hands.

The Telling Off

I could have died. He made me stand in front on him and he made me look at him, in the eye. He held my chin and made me meet his eyes.

“You are a grown woman and you are capable of waiting for a punishment but you seem to need an immediate punishment like a child, so if you want to behave like a child I am going to treat you like one.” There was more but I am not telling you what it was. I can tell you I was spanked with myknickers around my ankles but the being told off bit makes me so shy that I want to fall over.

But right there- I was all done in. I felt so embarrassed, really just wanted to ground to take me away. He was right. And it is not how he normally speaks to me. I wanted my dignity back. I wanted not to be treated like that. Before my knickers were lowered, before he had laid leather on flesh he was going to win.

It should be noted that there was a specific focus on what I had just done (smoked in front of him) and that is the punishment that really took. He verbally linked that behaviour to the paddling that followed. I can’t imagine that I would ever smoke in front of Dexter again.

Please don’t assume you can mention something once and then spank us for it and assume we will forever link the two. Take your time when you tell us off, don’t rush this bit and don’t assume we know what you spank us for, even if you have told us before it is up to you to make us remember exactly what it is that you want to discourage.

Therefore, what I was caned for, I will not do for ages but I can imagine it happening again. The connection needs to be solid, it needs to be reiterated. Dexter assures me he knows all this so it will be no surprise to him. He will cope.

The Position

I did not realise this until recently but he has a method. I sometimes get spanked while I am laid over his knees on the bed, all comfy and safe but that never happens when I am in trouble. When I am in trouble he sits on a chair and I go over his lap and my legs and arms dangle either side of him. I really dislike being spanked like that. It means I can’t go off in my head because I have to use my arms for balance.  I feel like my bum is more exposed. I have to concentrate to keep my legs together. It annoys and scares me that he uses his left arm to hold me in place and sometimes he clamps my legs in his to make me still when I struggle.

In short, I am only ever in the position when I am in trouble and once he has me there there is nothing I can do to get out of it until he decides. Just writing this and thinking about being in that position makes me feel ill at ease.

The spanking

The paddling was only the first part of the spanking but it is the paddling that specific and stays with me. It was very hard; he has a mean leather paddle. It does not bruise me so I don’t have to worry about that.

He takes care of me; he would never harm me so I know that he is in charge and I can’t wrestle control from him by pointing out that he is doing it wrong. He can do as much as he thinks is right, there is no reason to stop. I struggled and he held me tight- he had to. He did it until I gave in and a bit further.  I remember how hard it was right from the start and I remember sincerely telling him that it was too hard that I could not take what he was doing. This did not make him stop (or have any impact) and it was this part of the spanking that made it so effective.

The follow up

Now this is going to make some of you  a bit wide eyed but the follow up was two extended periods of corner time with a very intense 30 (I think but it could have been more) strokes with the dragon cane in between.  But this is not what made it take. The caning and the corner times had to happen because he said they would.  If he had not done them then future threats would not work. I will write more about corner time and really hard canings at some future point.

I know, because he told me later, that the spanking took about 15 minutes. The corner time was very long and hard. The caning was incredibly hard. But the caning and the corner time were both follow up.

Tops,  lean in close because I am going to whisper this, the whole game will most likely be won or lost before you have even touched her.  Take your time, be specific, use your brain
and your words before you even think about using your hands.

Xxx

I would love to know what other people in my position (the spanked rather than the spanker) think on this topic- what makes a punishment take for you?

xxx

Just so you do not think me hard as nails, I can cry- this clip here can reduce me to such sobs that an unwarned observer may think my family has been accosted by evil aliens. It is from The Slipper And The Rose, a Cinderella story and this takes place after Cinderella has finally been located and brought to the palace by the Prince- this is supposed to be the happy ending.  If you need me I will be laid on the floor under a blanket- I really am committed to a happy ending. I would appreciate some chocolate.

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