Last night on the blite, Scarlet wrote the following question, which is such an important question that I thought we should talk about it in more detail than we would if it were left in comments.
Please read the question and remember the comments afterwards.
What do you think?
Scarlet wrote: Do you think it’s a kink if you engage in it for pleasure and fun only, and something deeper if it answers a need deep inside you that you spent years denying? Perhaps I mean the more traditional male/female roles, where a girl can respect the man in her life and submit to him, although that hasn’t been an accepted behavior for the last generation? Where she can find relief in letting go of a more societally proscribed place for her, where she has to be his equal in every way, including at work, at home, in bed, and everywhere in between, because that was the implicit design of feminism in the seventies?
I think Poppy’s post “the eighties” got me remembering how much I was influenced by those thoughts and ideas in that era. We now can return to our regularly scheduled programming, which is much lighter. But for me, the serious question is always there.
Em said: Scarlet, I don’t think it much matters what you call, as long as you are happy.
Nikolai said: True feminism means being able to choose TTWD even as you may choose something else.
Mindy said: Scarlet, as Em said, the terminology is inconsequential. Kink or not, what’s most important is whether you and Roman are happy. It’s between the two of you.
Kink is often defined as non-conventional or non-normative practices. But what is conventional, and what is the norm? It varies by time, place and culture. Call it what you like as long as you’re contented.
and she added the quote
“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”
Poppy writes: The definition of kink is “a person with unusual sexual tastes.”
I think for me, this is more than a kink. TTWD goes deeply into my perception of self and informs my world view, including spirituality, personal ethics and intellectual development. I think I receive sexual gratification from it because when I am being spanked or spoken to in a way that falls into place with the rest of my world view I get waves of pleasure. Maybe that is what a kink is. But it does not feel like that. I am not a normal person who once a week gets spanked (oh, I wish I got spanked once a week!) and then moves back to normal life. I think every aspect of my life is soaked in this way of being.
For me, unlike Scarlet, I do not view this as a woman/man thing, although I am a heterosexual woman, and a woman spanking me would not be a rewarding experience. But maybe if I lived with a man then it would be; certainly I know I am more aware of my femininity when I am next to him.
So for me, it is not a kink. I know it is for some others and all credit to them, but for me it feels like the story of my life, the definition of my self, and of course that it links to my sexuality, but there is more to it than that.
