Click on any of the pictures for the link to Dreams Of Spanking

A few weeks ago (which feels like a million years ago, it was just before I moved house and all that move entailed) I was contacted by the beautiful and really quite exciting Pandora Blake to see if I would review Dreams of Spanking.

I was so excited. I felt terribly important to be asked and I got sent a free membership for a whole month. That felt like being someone, like getting a goodie bag or someone knowing your name before you say it.

And then I packed my house. Then I unpacked. Then I got sad. Then I went to London. Then I got sad again. I sat and hugged my dogs. And then it was the end of the month and I realised I am a bit rubbish. And guilty.

I had not done one thing.

Except …

I had taken a peek, a little one.

What had happened was this, one day when I got home from work Dexter called me into his study (my house and it feels like his study- how did that happen?) and made me sit on his lap. I must admit I quite liked that. And then he said, “Let’s look at Dreams of Spanking” because he knew all about the request and he was being helpful. I am sure he did not just want to look at films of spanked girls for his own edification.

I calmly and sensibly agreed and we did and then we discussed the socio-political implications of what we had seen.

*whistles and inspects the ceiling*

That is not what happened.

I squealed and tried to run away. Do you know why? You do if you are a girl like me.

This is why.

Words take time to get into your head and you know when you start to read them if they are the right sort or words, the sort that make you squirm a little and check no one is watching and then settle in to read with eyes as wide as can be.

If you find the wrong sort of words, the ones that can make you feel dirty and nasty for being the girl that you are, then you can stop reading and make them leave you alone before they leave a mark in your mind.

I work very hard to keep myself in places that are good for me, that encourage me to feel comfortable with who and what I am.

Pictures slip right in there; they get in past your brain and won’t go away even if they were only in front of you for a minute. And so many pictures of spanking and submission are all wrong.

They have horrid shoes and the girl looks either too young or too professional, the man looks unkind or unkempt, or the spanking looks too weak or too violent.

Girls like me don’t want to see the wrong pictures in case we feel it is us that are wrong.

I know I am supposed to be free enough to adopt the word  ‘porn’ but I have not and I won’t. I write naughty stuff for naughty girls. I write words to tease men, to make us ponder, to be proud. I don’t write porn. And I don’t want to look at it.

I was scared. I did not want my brain to be burned.

But Dexter is a mean man and he pressed play on a video and made me watch. I sat still, my feet curled around his calves and I held his hand over my eyes. But I peeked.

He picked a film called, “Through The Bedroom Door.” With Amelia Jane Rutherford (her name always sounds like she is being told off!), Pandora Blake and Thomas Cameron.

I would like to tell you all about it but I get very shy- so this is what I will tell you.

Firstly, I will tell you that I saw it weeks ago and I can still remember the girls’ faces, the tone of their voices and how they formed their bodies to express their emotions. They looked on the outside like I feel on the inside when everything is perfectly spanky.

I can tell you that they use the same tone of voice I have heard from myself when I am being punished and I know I can’t get away with it but I think I should. They have the voices I imagine my girlfriends online using when they tease and brat.

I can tell you that Thomas was strict but not too strict so that I think I could just about have taken what the girls went through but I would have sulked because it looked horrid sore so I might have got a bit more.

I can tell you that it is little evocation of how it feels sometimes. I can tell you that I am grateful because it made me want to kiss Dexter and it made me tell him he is lucky to have a girl like me because girls like me are good and fun, just like in the film.

I can tell you that I want to see it again. But I am shy

That is just one film.

So, I let my free membership run out. I guess I am rubbish at perks. Tonight I joined again with my own money and took my first steps into something that is not at all porn, it is pictures and films of girls on adventures that we may share if we wish. These are the kind of stories I would tell, the adventures I aspire to, these are the secrets I would whisper if you were here with me now.

I am still scared and I wish Dexter were here so I could sit on his lap and make him choose where to go next.

I am smiling a lot, gently biting my lip, maybe I am less scared now.  I want to look at other films, maybe all kinds of films.

If I can’t take Dexter with me you shall have to come. It will be a little adventure but don’t tell anyone- I think we will find very naughty things. It will be fun.

PS- I am also on Spanking UK today! Click here to read what I wrote. I feel very much part of this world today. I am liking it.

Would you like another?