I find writing hard at the moment. My emotions are so strong and bewildering that they carry me along jolting me up and down, I feel so much that I can’t think.

You know lawn sprinklers? I want you to imagine a lawn sprinkler, the way it throws water out, flinging it to cover a vast expanse of green, no unsuspecting blade of grass left dry, and no worm left  sleeping. Now imagine each flick of water is hard as shrapnel as it is flung in all directions- that is my emotions right now. I am observing them this morning, a moment of peace aided by tiredness and the snores of my dogs next to me.

So here is today’s fantasy Monday.

There is a house. It is at the end of a country lane and surrounded by fields. The walls of the house are thick and the windows small but plentiful so that light streams into every room.

In the sitting room is a sofa. The sofa is far enough away from the wall to enable a girl to be made to bend over the back of it with her legs kicking helplessly in the air. The room is large with buttermilk yellow walls. You will notice (if you are especially observant) that one corner has been left bare as though it is waiting for a girl to be placed there.

The kitchen is bright and airy, with views to the woods behind the house. In one half of the kitchen is a huge oak table, heavy and steady as time. It is set for two. There is a bottle of wine already open and one of the half finished wine glasses has a lip stick mark on it. But if you look closely and just narrow your eyes a little you can make out an outline of  girl, she is bent over the table, her hands clenched inwards, pale against the rich brown of the wood, her light bottom striped red with the belt that is discarded to the side of her.

Follow me up the stairs to the study. If you look out of the windows and across the fields you can see the very old manor house of the village, turning back you see a writing desk, dark wood inlaid with green leather. On the desk lies a cane, a simple object but as you watch it you can see a girl’s eyes at first wide and silent and then cast down seeking refuge in the solitude of the floor.

The bathroom next and you can hear her before you can see her. Splashing and singing she sits amid a mountain of bubbles, an oversized soft towel is at her side along with some moisturiser. You know very well that she will wrap herself up and throw herself into the arms of the man that is waiting elsewhere. She will push the bottle of moisturiser into his hands and be outraged at what he does with it.

Finally the bedroom, the bed has a duvet of goose down and is covered in the most 400 thread count  Egyptian cotton, all in cream. The furniture here is light pine, well loved since the girl was a child. In here you cannot see her so clearly, half glimpses is all you have, you see her in the corner with pyjamas pushed half way down her thighs and a sulky pink bottom on display, you see her standing with her neck arching upwards to receive a kiss and kneeling in the same posture to give one. You see her in bed with a thousand whispered prayers, all the same and different, desire with an element of fear and over her, covering her you see the muscular back of the man that understands every nuance.

But you also see something else. You see a woman, throughout this house, a woman on an adventure. She is all at once alone and in the arms of the man. But you do see her alone, returning from a run, carrying shopping, reading and cooking. And you see your computer screen, the words forming there as she writes to you to tell you of everything she is discovering in the peace she has found.

xxxx

And now, over this week and starting on Friday I am going to work as hard as I can to make this fantasy true.

What about you? Any fantasies you can make reality in your life? (Hopefully with less disruption than I am bringing to my life.)

Would you like another?