A couple of weeks ago Dexter asked me if I should like to go to the LAM.

I asked what it was and he explained that the LAM is the London Alternative Market and is filled with all sorts of people and stalls so I hid.

Then I came out and asked fifty eight questions and then I hid again.

Dexter then told me that we would be going to the LAM. I have an insatiable curiosity (and we know where that leads) and Dexter wanted to take me somewhere that would make me have wide eyes and he suspected I would enjoy it.

So yesterday we went. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I clung onto him like we were going to the dentists, wrapping his hand over mine in the tube and playing with his fingers. I offered lots of alternative suggestions and he told me there was only one alternative activity today.

When we arrived, I glanced at all the leather and PVC and danced on the bar offering my bottom to all and sundry.

Hah! Just checking if you were awake.

When we arrived I did my best koala impression and then drank two gin and tonics. That first half hour was the most scary of the whole day.

A lot of cows died for that event, that is the first thing I would like to say. There was more leather than at a cattle drive and more PVC than can possibly be healthy. I saw a young man with tremendous posture and was ultra impressed. I saw the same man two minutes later looking impossibly impressive with the tightest beige leather cincher on. He looked like an angel, serene face, dignified and tall as a statue. We shall return to him later.

I saw my first ever man dressed all in PVC with a mask over his face, he was being led around on a lead by another man dressed all in PVC but he had a tie on and with them a third man, dressed like the masked man but less severe. (I will call these the Three- more of them later).  I gulped some more gin and asked Dexter what we were doing here.  I felt like a jigsaw piece that had ended up in the wrong box.

Several times I heard spanking and did not dare turn around to look.

Several ladies had collars on, not like velvet chokers but proper leather or chain ones.

I saw a more senior lady with a walking stick and very short hair walking around with a young lady who was dressed very prettily in a black dress with lots of tassels on. We shall call them The Ladies because lots more of them later.

I saw an even more senior gentleman dressed as a Victorian lady, magnificently attired with a tremendous feathered fascinator on and carrying a handbag in the shape of a coffin.

Eventually, a slightly gin soaked me decided I wanted to look at a stall. I may be afraid but if there is shopping that may be done I am no slouch. After discussing walking the twenty feet away from him for at least thirty minutes I peeled myself off him and tottled away. (The idea of Dexter looking at leather paddles, straps and tawses with me was worse than being away from him. I very patiently explained to him that if he came with me other people might think he spanked me and then we would probably get thrown out for being perverted or something. Dexter attempted to explain that this might not be so much of an issue but I cleverly ignored him.)

I stood surrounded by leather. I turned and looked at some more leather. It was all leathery and made by someone to spank bottoms with. I tried to be methodical- I did not know what anything was called and realised, I was not sure what implements Dexter has- I am always face down when he gets them out. I know what they feel like- not what they look like.

I was very brave and after waiting seven minutes for the man who was minding the stall to get distracted I asked the woman for help. She was lovely and totally relaxed just as though we were talking about normal things. I asked about noise and we discussed what marks some implements might leave. I talked around the key words and was attracted by a Brat Bat, a solid, oval shaped paddle with no bumpy bits to make extra marks. She said, “You can try it out on him if you want.”

Dear reader, she thought I was a Top. That is how cool I must have appeared. I squeaked that I should sooner die which may have dented my image somewhat and scuttled back to Dexter who laughed a lot when I told him what had happened.

So he insisted we walk around together. I told him on no account could we do that, it would be too embarrassing.

You know exactly what happened.

He took my hand and off we went. The first stall had several very heavy looking paddles they were not made of wood. I cannot tell you what they were made of because Dexter started talking to the man about them being suitable to use on a young lady if she ever smoked again and the man offered it to Dexter to try out. I stood behind him and shut my eyes and hid in his coat. I think my cool approach worked because he took me away.

The next stall was the one I had been at- I showed him the two implements I was interested in. The bloody man (and I say that with love and affection you understand) started to thwack his hand with them to see how they felt. It made a noise. I promised myself that the minute I stopped being rigid with embarrassment that I would run away. He stopped before that happened and said they were a good choice. In all innocence (a rapidly depleting commodity for me) I asked him what the rather pretty metal things were to the side. They were very long, chains at one end and pleasantly curved at the other. I could imagine with some sort of Christmas use.

He told me they were anal hooks. I don’t know. I don’t want to know.

But I bought the paddles and we went on.

Next, deep breath, the cane and riding crop stall. I adopted my familiar pose behind Dexter and pretend-you-are-in-a-normal-shop-except-you-are-hiding stance. I think it worked because no one talked to me (or noticed me) as Dexter picked up about ten different implements, once or twice he swished them through the air. I was pretty sure this might give the game away and people would guess what we did with them but we were not thrown out or derided so we got away with it once more. He bought two. They both seemed very long and whippy. I will never know how they feel because, as is obvious by now, I am such a well behaved girl he has no call for such implements.

At the wooden thing stall there was a very lovely girl who had very sadly fallen into insanity. She spoke to us both about the wooden things describing the sensation of being hit by them as “yummy”. One of them was the size of a child’s cricket bat. I did not feel that would be yummy but that maybe it would be useful if I were ever mugged.  She was wearing a delightful corset that made her seem very Jessica Rabbit and when she stood up to pass Dexter another implement, it appeared she had rushed to get ready because above her stocking tops she had a bare bottom.

And now my favourite bit. Dexter said why not have a look at the corsets? Once again there was a short deliberation time (quite a long time in human minutes) and he promised to leave me alone for a while and I did.

I am grinning so widely writing this. I chose a black one, a real corset with proper boning and everything. I spoke to the man there and explained how shy I am and he said well you have to try it on and get it fitted. I did not want to but he persuaded me and I am glad he did. It tried it over my dress. He loosened it and then I clipped it in front and then I had to grip the bars just like in the films. And I see why- it is not a gentle process. He tugged and tied and tied and tugged and then when I was all snug he told me to turn and look in the mirror.

I am not a confident girl and never feel very pretty but what I saw in that mirror made me clap my hands. I swooshed in and out like a satin race track. My breasts were pushed high and proud and my waist came sharply in before curling back out for my hips. I looked like I have wanted to look my whole life. I almost cried it was so pretty.

And do you know what? Dexter had snuck back without me realising and seeing how happy I was he bought the corset for me! I felt like a girl, like a pretty girl. The man and Dexter both said I should keep the corset on because it looked so good and,  good girl that I am, I did just so.

I blush to tell you, but I will because we know each other well and I tell you so often when I do not feel confident but I saw several men looking at me after that, some looked quite a lot. Dexter said it was because I looked beautiful and I tried to hide in him again but I could not because when a girl wears a corset she has to sit up as straight as if she has her very own governess.

One more thing I must tell you.

Whilst we were having another gin and tonic I saw the most beautiful trio. The angelic man returned, his stance like a prince turned footman as he stood alongside a lady dressed all in black PVC, tight as skin and only her red lips and large blue eyes revealed to the world and a third woman who was so beautiful I am afraid I stared.

I tried not to but I could not help it.

She had black hair and red lips. She was all in black and held herself regally and exuded the kind of sexuality that made me want to tug at her coat and beg for just a piece of it. I wasn’t intimidated so much as enticed. I did not think she noticed me until afterwards Dexter told me that she smiled at him and flicked her eyes at me and smiled at him again, an exchange of Toppy approval. At me!

After this we went to the party and I have so much to tell you about that but it must wait until tomorrow when we will come back to the Trio and the Ladies and lots more tales that I am desperate to tell you.

Would you like another?