This post is off topic. Here is a spanking picture for those that want one- but this post below is not a spanking one so you should go elsewhere (just for today) if you want spanking- why not try here?
I woke up feeling dark this morning, dark of head. I often write posts in advance but this one I am writing right now. I am not thinking, just writing.
I want pretty pictures though, I need to lighten my mood and my page.
This is the opposite to my head. I am aiming for this feeling.
I feel an almost unbearable pressure, like a rat in a maze. I can’ t tell you why but I can tell you that this is how people change their lives. Living with this is intolerable.
I can feel hope peek through the clouds. I know that change is coming. I do not know what it is. I know that this dark cannot last. But for now, I feel nauseous with it, trapped in the dark with a beating heart.
But maybe this is what a human needs to make change. If I had faith this would be a prayer but I only have a blog. (That line made me smile.) And my blog will not be a miserable place, so I have a duty to say that this cannot last- it has lasted years so far but this is coming to an end, even if it breaks me first. But I will recover, won’t I?
I wish I were a lady who could retreat to a country house and take some time to breathe and think, but I should get dressed now and go to work. That this pressure feels intolerable is a good sign maybe, maybe it means that soon it will be gone, maybe I should … and then I get stuck. In truth, for now, I am stuck and I hate it.
One more pretty picture to remind myself that life is good.
Poppy, I hope that light will shine through and erase the darkness around you. Often, it starts with a little flicker but it will overcome the bleary darkness.
Sending you bright and cheery thoughts and lots of hugs.
Poppy, sorry you feel so depressed.
May be there is one valid advice from a distance: sing your heart out! Through involving body, soul and mind, it works at least as good as prayer / is a great way of praying.
Best wishes.
Poppy, good morning.
breaks through and lightens your life a little. 
and warm 
Waking up depressed is such a drag.
I hope that soon at least a virtual
Sending you thoughts of light and strength.
Paul.
Dearest Poppy – I don’t know you anything like well enough to understand what lies behind your post, but several things you say resonate with my own experience, and I can tell you that:
1. Change does indeed come from times like these
2. Yes, you will recover
3. Your current mood is a result of being stuck, which, as you say, is a horrible, horrible place to be. But see 1.
One more thing: the very fact that you are able to write a blog in your current state of mind, and especially to include some pretty pictures to lighten the mood, is hugely encouraging; to coin a phrase, where there’s a blog there’s hope.
Dearest Poppy, I wish you all the best in the world. I hope you can feel the love and support of all your friends who value you and your blog so highly.
(That’s you surrounded by the love of your friends)
I think I’m beginning to love you, Sweetsong.
Oh my, how wonderful!
I could do with some love…
Life is always good, even when the goodness seems hidden from sight. There are many kinds of prayer, and some that don’t involve having the tiniest bit of faith, or believing in a wise old man who lives in the clouds.
This is one of my favorite kinds of prayer, when I am lost and don’t know where next to turn: you must go out into nature, and look for a Mother Tree. She will be old, though maybe not very, very old. She will be broken in places, or maybe she will have scars. There will be life around her, perhaps birds in her branches.
You will know her when you see her.
Go to her and place your hands on her trunk. Pray to her spirit, which is the spirit of all universal energy, the same energy which lets you love and grow and change. It’s the energy of the wind and the moon and wildlife and your crazy, broken heart.
Ask for her energy to flow through you, for her wisdom to settle on your shoulders, for her grace to bless your tortured mind and clear it of its tangles. Ask for the universal spirit that enlivens her to also bring peace to you. Feel her strength beneath your hands.
Thank her. Listen for what she whispered to you while you were praying.
Return again tomorrow.
Scarlet,
I thought that was only me, love it, thank you.
Warm
Paul.
Paul, I am slowly learning to take my prayers to where the magic is.
Mindy, I am waiting for that light. I think it would help.
MrJ, I d not think I am depressed, just overwhelmed and wanting things to be sorted out but I have miles and miles to go, in many ways. I can’t bear to think about it.
Paul, thank you. I need that.
Sweetsong, you made me cry but in a good way. I do feel cared about. It helps a lot. I think you are telling me the truth – change will work out. I am with Scarlet in falling in love with you.
Scarlet, that made me cry too. I will do what you say. I need to run in the woods tomorrow. I will take a moment out.
I won’t write about this situation again for a while but I will when it is over. It might be a long while.
Thank you so much for all the comfort.
Oh my goodness, two beautiful women falling in love with me – why can’t real life be like this?
Sweetsong, sometimes this is better than real life!
xo
Someone very kind gave me a tote bag that has the,”Life is Good” theme on it. I don’t always agree with it. If you get this feeling again and need to share, vent, scream, use bad words (
) we are all here to listen.
I like Scarlet’s idea, sounds like she describe Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas. She was very wise. Just walking in nature is a pick-me-up. Pack your lunch tomorrow, take a walk and feed the squirrels. They are always good for a laugh.(unless they are in your attic
)
Pocahantas knew just what she was doing! I think I will be Pocahantas today. I may even wear moccasins.
I hope you find your joy again. It makes me anxious when the people I look up to and admire lose their way. You deserve happy.
Kaki, I did vent and it helped. Thank you.
Cindy, thank you. I will. I will tell you all about it when I do. I will tell you for years and years.