If I could give you anything at all it would be one of my memories. This summer I swam for the first time in a lake.
I was scared at first. The water was clear at the edge but as it got deeper it became black and it was hard not to think about what was beneath me.
I learned not to think about what scared me. I learned to swim and let the fear slip from my fingers.
You might be able to make out a small island in the centre of the picture, well at first I swam around that. And then I swam past that. And then I swam so far that I went off into the distance, around corners and out of sight.
It felt almost overwhelming at times, the silence, the distance and the space conspired against me if I thought about them. I swam alone into the lake, at times I would swim closer to the edge, a deep, dense forest in which I would hear beasts snuffling, just meters away
Each day I swam further from where I started. I started to explore, I went around corners, I went to places that could not be seen from the shore. I was totally alone, the sun on my back and the water beneath me, all around me.
And as got further and further out, as I found myself in new territory, as I swam totally alone, with the sun on my back and fear tickling my brain, I laughed. I wish I could give you the feeling. I swam on my front and turned on my back and I laughed aloud. It was so beautiful, I felt a thrill of fear from being so alone and it made me laugh from sheer joy.
The water felt smooth as silk, the view is half water, gun metal grey and sometimes blue and the reminder dark green trees and the huge, wild sky. And in the middle of it all, totally alone, far from anyone, a lifetime away from being saved were I to get into trouble, was me.
My body is a long way from perfect. I often turn in the mirror, pulling myself this way and that, trying to find a way to make it look like I would like it too. But then I can remember how it felt to swim in that wild, huge, silent lake.
I swim, I am free, my body is perfect- it performs as it ought, it brings me such tremendous joy that I can hardly contain it.
It is like when a man makes love to me, it is like when I am held so close I am not sure I can breathe, it is like when I am tumbling over hs knee, clasped firm and kicking, and it is like that when I stand on tip toes for a kiss.
My body is perfect because it leads me to joy.
I hope you feel that way about you, and about your body. I wish you whatever makes you laugh for the sheer pleasure of it.
Poppy, good evening.
and warm 
I remember that feeling, it’s been a long while.
This is a beautifully written piece, yes, your body should bring you joy, too many of us forget this.
I still enjoy my body, though it can be hard to ignore the aches and pains which come with age.
However walking my dogs takes me out of myself and the house.
Paul.
Oh, Poppy, this is gorgeous. This is why I love you and love reading every word you write. Thank you for reminding me why I am here. I am going to print this out and put it someplace I can see it every single day, to remind me.
You are braver than I am. I have never gotten into a lake to swim away from everyone, even around corners and past an island. But I can think of other things I can do. And perhaps now I will.
Oh Poppy, I love you! This gift has left me teary-eyed and dumbstruck. Thank you, thank you.
-Ephe
I know exactly how you feel. It was like when I was at a fetish party, cuffed to a St. Andrew’s Cross on a patio outside, with people coming in and out of the bar where the party was. I was 41 years old, wearing only a thong and strategically placed electrical tape on my nowhere-near-perfect body. I looked up at the night sky, at the stars, and I felt free and amazing.
Glad one of our lakes could provide you with such a profound experience and that it is still with you to savour during the upcoming winter and forever.
Larry
That sounds so freeing, what a wonderful opportunity you had. We all need to find time to do things that make us happy. I am on a mission.
btw, did anyone spank you for swimming alone?
How lovely. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful memory with us.
Very well said, Poppy! Thank you. I’m glad you had these lovely memories from your summer holiday.
Kaki, someone may already have. That’s why it’s perfect – happy memories upon happy memories.
That’s true, Mindy, that would make it the perfect memory.
Beautiful.
Hello,
I am so sorry have not been here before I was being sorted out. Consider me sorted now.
Paul, I know what you mean. I remember how I used to be at 12 or at 21 and I am nothing like that no but I do enjoy what my body brings me no, maybe it is even better as we have the experience to help us appreciate what we have.
Scarlet, I love the idea that I could have written something that made a woman like you ponder. As for lakes, we each have our own lakes and I am certain you know what your own version is.
Ephemera, thank you- wow, a compliment and a half.
Jen, you made my eyes pop out- that is a perfect description of your own lake. I am so happy you had that and I bet others were too.
Larry, you are a lucky man to live in such beauty and I will never forget what it felt like.
Kaki, good luck with your mission. That is what it is all about. No one spanked me for swimming alone and nor should they. I do lots of bad things if someone needs an excuse to spank me. There is an excellent quote from Swallow and the Amazons about this sort of thing
“Better drowned than duffers. If not duffers won’t drown.” I may write more of that very soon.
Em, thank you for reading it- i know how scary busy you are.
Mindy, thank you too and that is a lovely idea, isn’t it?
Dev, as ever, thank you xx
I was referred here by Ephemera – and I am thankful she did! I have a spring fed pond on a beautiful piece of property in the Big Thicket in Texas. It reminds me of swimming in it this summer….and you are right.