I have had this post written for about ten months. I am so nervous about it seeming to say something I do not mean, something offensive or unkind; all of which is the last thing I want. But I do want to send this out into the ether. But if you hear me saying that I do not think other people should do something or if I seem to be saying other people should be like me then tell me. Then I will write it better.
So this is one of those times when I have to start off by being clear what I don’t mean.
If you are a lady who likes spanking ladies (or a lady who likes being spanked by ladies) then this post is not about you at all. The reason why this post is not about you is because you are doing your thing and people that don’t get that should go and sit in a corner and think about what they have done.
This post is trying to explain why girls like me don’t find it erotic to read about girls spanking girls. Except that is not right either.
Gosh- this is hard. Please promise me that if you are thinking of taking offence that you will read this whole piece? And if I don’t say it right , tell me, don’t shout and I will fix it.
If I am reading a book and there is a female character in the book who develops a relationship with another woman and part of that is spanking, then whilst that will not turn me on, I can still appreciate the relationship, the love, and the character development. Not everything I read, even in an erotic novel has to turn me on. Women characters are there to be more than erotic devices. So that is not what I am talking about.
What I very specifically want to explain is why if I read about girls spanking girls it does not turn me on.
Firstly, to Mr Straight Man I want to say, how much does seeing two men spanking each other turn you on?
I am not presuming so much as a smidgen on homophobia from you. But what I think you may think is , even though this is two men, there is no space for me here. The man I am is not here. I am absent. The dynamics of the two men is different than the dynamics between a man and a woman.
I suspect sometimes, when I see these glimpses of women on women action that the erotic intent is not aimed at women at all. And that is ok, not everything needs to be focussed on women but I do want to explain why we don’t go all quivery. When there are two girls, a writer sometimes is not thinking about the girls, I think he (if it is a man) is thinking about him and the girls. They are not real, they are props in the fantasy- there i no space for the real girl.
I can appreciate beautiful women. You only have to spend two minutes looking at this blog to know that. I can have crushes on women, some sexual, some intellectual and some aspirational. But always I can see beauty in a woman. I think the female form is stunning. I have even posted a girl spanking a girl- it was Dita Von teese and Iman. Those are, in my opinion, two of the most beautiful women that have ever lived- it wasn’t the spanking bit that I was showing, it was the beauty.
I even wrote about it to see if I could understand more from the inside and it ended up as laughable.
I find men attractive, I really do and in spanking, the male presence is key for me. I like the spanker to have what my girlfriends call, “Throw down.” That means that he could look at you with wooflish eyes, sweep whatever is on the table to the floor and suddenly you find yourself in an indelicate position being ravished. And what fun it is too. The masculine element to a spanking is vital to me.
I like that he is bigger than me. I like that he is stronger to me. I like his deep voice. I like that it is the “other”, a being different to me. I need these things for a spanking to be erotic.
When I read about girls spanking girls I feel a little left alone, a little let down. I always want a man to come back and rescue me. And it is the only time I would write that. It is only in spanking that only a man will do for me.
It is almost like a rejection.
Are there strong women in the world? Yes. I have had some magnificent female bosses who I thrived working for and who taught me a great deal.
Are there women so brimming with beauty and authority that mere mortals like me sit and look agog at them? Yep. I could name some but I don’t need to- you could name fifty yourself.
Do I want any of these beautiful, capable women to spank me? No, thank you.
The default setting for women is not lesbian, just the same as it is not heterosexual. We are complex creatures but we are not part of a soft porn world where, given a few cheerleader outfits and a night in a dorm we all start making out. (That is until someone shows up with a penis and the girls suddenly realise that is what they are missing and can’t be hurry up so they can cater to his every sexual desire etc etc etc- don’t think we don’t know what some men think.)
I think it reduces lesbianism to a silly thing. It suggests that every woman is a lesbian sometimes or that left alone with each other we want to be spanked by each other and part of the probem with that suggestion is that if it is true, then there are no real lesbians because left alone with a man she would want to kiss him or be spanked by him.
I like the difference in people.
I think difference should be celebrated. What makes me sit quietly is the swell in a man’s forearm when he considers what he is about to do, it is the jut of his jaw, the line if his thigh, his steady, deep voice and the furrow of his brow. I adore that difference to me.
I like the fact that there are a myriad of different sexual preferences, that one girl’s meat is another girl’s boredom. I like that we are not all the same and want to retain that.
So, if I see a girl being spanked by another girl, I just want to say that I like her shoes or ask her how does she get her hair to stay like that.
I want her to be happy and fulfilled because she is a girl, just like me. But I am not her and she is not me.
Hi Poppy, I understand what you are saying because I feel the same way. I’ve never been spanked by a woman (not counting me mum) I don’t mind it in a story when it makes sense, like mother, aunt, teacher, etc. Every man that I’ve ever heard of likes to see two women together but like you said, the idea of two men turns them off.
I don’t think you wrote anything that would sound offensive to anyone. But is is 2:00 a.m. and I can bearly type my name. good night, er, have a good morning.
You should be in bed! (How Toppy am I?)
Thank you so much. Now please will you get some sleep?
Goodnight xx
PS I don’t like the mother, aunt, female teacher thing if it is erotic – I wonder if I am terribly picky.
Added note I need to pint out that I wrote this at 7:10 am and was being a bit stupid. Of course, Kaki does not find that sort of thing erotic either. I kind of suggested that she did in this comment. silly me.
I don’t think there is a blessed thing that’s offensive about what you’ve posted. Even if one is an F/F aficionado, he/she cannot object, because you stated your feelings very politely, as a personal preference and nothing more. It’s not like you wrote, “Ewwww! Girl-girl spanking sucks!”
For what it’s worth, I’m in the same camp, and I often feel like an outsider because of it. I don’t care to see F/F spanking, or even read stories about it.
I love women. I love my female friends. But in my fetishy little mind, spanking is male/female. The lap belongs to a man, the working arm is hairy, the voice is deep. There is sexual tension, even if sexual activity isn’t on the table.
It’s not a put-down to those who like F/F to say you relate more to M/F. It’s just what computes for you (and for me).
Thank you, Erica.
I knew you were in this boat with me (or I got in your boat) – I just wanted so much not to make anyone feel bad or sad or not perfect as they are.
But you and Kaki have given me your stamp or approval so I feel better about going to work and knowing it is will be ok.
My kinky little mind is like your kinky little mind. Tha thought will make me smile today.
I second what Kaki and Erica said. Nothing you write is offensive. Your writing is honest, personal and thought-provoking. Sometimes, it’s humorous and sometimes, it’s erotic. Never offensive.
Poppy, good morning.
and warm 
I hope that your day will be as lovely as mine is promising to be.
An interesting and thought provoking piece of writing.
The others have said it all, but being me, I’ll write a bit.
Like you I am strictly an opposite sex person.
I find beauty in both men and women, but am not stirred by same sex action.
I haven’t actually sat and thought about it, but I like the idea that there is space in the action for me, that, I believe, is a large part of erotica.
The fact that we are all uniquely different is what makes us human, long may we remain so.
When anybody fulminates against alternative sexualities, I say what ever floats their boat, and walk away.
Finally, at last, I don’t believe that any intelligent individual could be offended by what you have written, as for the others, oh well!
Paul
Oh Poppy.
It isn’t offensive to me at all, and I do write such tales, as for me they mirror my “real” life.
I can also totally understand what you mean about preferring a man in this particular role, and if that is what works for you then who can find fault?
I agree with everyone above in saying that there is nothing at all offensive about stating that a particular thing doesn’t turn you on.
I thought this was a wonderful posting. Completely inoffensive. I love you just the same as always, my dear Poppy!
Lunargirl
Perhaps the preponderance of F/F spanking themes is due to spanking erotica being oriented to appeal to “the male gaze” as Pandora calls it.
Like Poppy says, I’m a man who is quite content with scenes of girls spanking each other but men spanking each other does nothing for me. I know, typical. M/F scenes also appeal to me, of course.
But Poppy, do YOU get anything out of M/M content? I believe Pandora is making some good M/M stuff, at least it’s the best I’ve seen. But then, I don’t go looking.
Hi Poppy
Firstly, I think that you deserve credit for addressing an area that clearly makes you uncomfortable, and for going to great lengths to ensure that you do not offend anyone.
Secondly, I think perhaps you are giving this topic more thought than it needs; no one has to apologise for whatever combination of man and/or woman turns them on, either within our fun little spanking world, or out there in the wider world of general sexuality.
If girl on girl spanking doesn’t turn you on, it doesn’t suggest homophobia; that would be saying it shouldn’t exist and that those who like it are wrong. You never do either of these things.
I’m a heterosexual male; I love M/F spanking, and thoroughly enjoy F/F spanking too (luckily really, as there is a lot of it around). F/M kind of turns me on a bit, especially where I like the spanker and can put myself (in my imagination, of course) into the situation. M/M really doesn’t do much for me, although I don’t find it abhorrent. it’s just not my thing.
If others like it, that’s fine. I don’t have an issue with them, or it. I just don’t look for it myself.
And that’s all the justification I need. It’s not my thing. That’s my personal view.
All the best
Tim
I don’t care for the mother, aunt, female teacher thing if it is erotic either, only discipline – in stories.
Poppy, as always, you have written something from the very heart of you , that reaches out to the very heart of all of us. When I first started exploring blogs online, much of what I read resonated with me and made me realize that I was not alone in my desires. Other things were interesting to me, but clearly not for me. I’ve learned so much through the honesty of so many bloggers, and appreciate the opportunity to peek into their world.
I am like you, in that F/F submission doesn’t seem to be the point, exactly, for me. And as a mother myself, I sometimes am uncomfortable reading about mother/daughter scenarios. As you might expect, there are very clear walls between my own desires and my mother/self. And since I was never physically disciplined as a child, there are no memories that resonate in that way.
I’ll share a couple lines from a beautiful book I’ve just read, called Next to Love, by Ellen Feldman. I think this scene explains things with just a few words:
“By the time she turns off the shower and reaches for a towel, he is at the sink, shaving. She wraps the towel around herself and stands watching him. His hand is steady as he draws the razor down his cheek, carving a smooth path through the white lather. The otherness of the act sends an erotic charge. It is the sexual divide that binds…”
Mindy, thank you, you always say lovely things.
Paul, I think we see this in the same way. I think maybe it is not that I am just saying what I am. I think I should have said more.
Lunargirl, thank you. You were one of the people that I wanted to take such care with. I think I just resent the difference not being respected. or something.
Karl, really M/M just turns me off. I like the idea of big strong men who spank girls. M/M is nothing to do with my kink at all. It turns me off. I did not even think to mention it. Now that I think about it I realise how very important it is who does the spanking. I must write more about this.
H Tim, thank you and it was something I avoided for so long. I just could not cope with the idea of making someone feel unwelcome or unequal. You are right, of course, when something is not your thing it just is not your thing. I just get fed up with finding so much F/F sometimes when think a book is all M/F then some F/F crops (!) up and think the assumption is that girls will like girls spanking girls.
Reading these comments I realise I should have said more.
Kaki, I was being thick because it was so early in the am and of course that sort of thing is not erotic to you. I was writing with half a brain and it showed. I will add an explanation to my earlier comment.
Scarlet, I am sure that all mothers share that feeling you have that mother/daughter spankings are not erotic for you. “the sexual divide that binds” that is so perfect and encapsulates what I wanted to say. I may try again and steal that quotation.
I’m glad your site is back! I’ve been thinking about this post since I read it yesterday. I think people are into what they’re into and as long as they don’t make others feel bad for being different, that should be totally cool.
Reading your and Erica’s comments made me realize that spanking is very rarely sexual / erotic to me. More often it’s an expression of caring and friendship — like a hug. Because of that I’m often drawn to being spanked by (and sometimes even spanking) people who I don’t feel sexual attraction for. The spanking becomes, in most cases, a playful or serious expression of friendly rather than romantic love. I’m not sure how it would feel to experience sexual tension with everyone I play with — exciting but very different!
In any case, thank you for posting such a thought provoking post.
Mija, that was so interesting that I will have to ponder it for a while.
I would never say I have erotic spankings but you are totally right that they all have that element.
I can see that , for you, a spanking is more platonic than for me and that is something I have never considered. It would make it possible for you to be spanked by more people than I could be spanked by. It would alter the whole dynamic.
So, thank you for such a thought provoking comment. I appreciate it very much.
I don’t think anything you wrote is offensive. We all have our own preferences. While I don’t relate to women on an erotic level, I’ve found that some women can fit with my disciplinary headspace for spanking, just as some men can. It all depends on the person. I shared a story once about an emotionally intense spanking for me and the spanker was female. It was a true story, so I left it that way. But I did have that thought that if the spanker in the story was male it may have received a greater response. To each their own.
Poppy, thank you very much for this interesting and honest post! It has given me a lot to think. My favourite fantasies have always been M/M. I think this is partially because M/M is the equivalent to F/F for men, but there is more to it than that. I guess it also has to do with my fascination with stereotypically male attitudes and lifestyles and the fact that I used to feel more self-confident among men and always wanted to be an accepted companion for them.
Of course my play with my partner Ludwig is M/F and sometimes also F/M. Between us there is also a very sexual component which wasn’t part of my M/M fantasies. When I first started living out my kink, I didn’t have any desire to play with anyone else than Ludwig. But then I joined Ludwig in making clips and now I’ve also played privately with others at Shadow Lane. I’ve just written a post about this and about the changes I have gone through which allowed me to enjoy playing with others as well.
Interestingly, although my fantasies still don’t contain many F/F scenarios, my play with others has mostly been with women. I think I even feel a bit more comfortable playing with women whom I like than playing with men. Mija’s comment and her post has given me a possible explanation for this: I guess the reason is that I’m a very monogamous person and prefer my kinky play with others than Ludwig to be non-sexual. With women I can just have fun among friends and live out the non-sexual fantasies I have without having to think about any possible sexual component (at least that is true for me, since I’m not into women sexually).
I have to think about that a bit more and I guess I’ll write a post of its own about my thoughts then! Thanks a lot for the thought-fodder, Poppy!
Kaelah, this is what I love about blogging. First it was Mija that really made me think and now you.
I really look forward to reading what you write.
Thank you