You know that moment following the storm out after a cracking one liner about the injustice of the whole universe and slammed the door? That moment when you realise that you forgot your car keys and your money? That moment when you can’t believe what you screamed out loud and the lack of self control you showed?
Yes, that moment. I had one.
My rant helped, it really did. In essence, I could have just written “I miss Dev, I really, really do. I need what he does.” But I was too mad to write that and my head was too messy. So I raged. It helped.
This is how it helped.
I had many very kind and supportive emails and comments from people who are my friends. These people understand and for all that the internet can be a big scary place it can also be a place of deep solace and compassion. I felt much less alone.
And then it helped because a certain Mr O’ Neill came home and did his thing. I don’t want to tell you too much about it but he helps. He helps in many ways and I think the one that always makes me love him more is the things he does because he knows so much, by being unflappable and by seeing what needs to be done he alters the way I live. It isn’t just that he knows me but also it is that he knows the whole world.
I don’t want to say anything else now other than to talk about the moment long after the tantrum, after the door is slammed, after the return, after the scolding and the spanking – there is a moment then when the house is quiet, when you are still over his knee and he reaches for something over your back and you feel a cool, gentle sensation on burning hot cheeks. When he first rubbed lotion into me I did not understand. He had spanked me, I had done what I ought not, and he punished me; it hurt, it helped. So why the lotion? I asked his denim clad legs.
He explained that after a spanking comes this moment. It is calm, loving, and soothing. He made my sore bum better. He always makes it better because he knows what to do. Even when I think there is no answer, no way through, he shows me a new answer.
I love him.
And all is right in the world tonight.
I’m glad.
Poppy, good evening.
and warm 
I’m glad that we could help, if only a little, and that all is right with the world.
Have a good night, life intrudes tomorrow.
Paul.
With out the pain the pleasure is not possible
Its comforting to see this post and know balance has been restored 
Sometimes I think you have to get lost so that you can be found. I’m glad you feel better, that he could help you find your way back.
I’m so happy to hear that Dev has made it right for you. I like what Sara said; it’s true, sometimes, we have to get lost so that we can be found. It’s good to be found. It shows that someone cares enough for you to actually seek you out and rescue you. He loves you dearly.
“I once was lost, but now am found.”
Just see what you have been going through and wish you well.
He can give you what none of us can and knows what you need.
I love the second picture, there is something very comforting in it. The way they are holding each other with her obvious red bottom.
Poppy & Dev,
So glad you sorted things out
It’s hard to see the way out of tunnel when you’re in that kind of head space, getting it all out of your head and into the world is sometimes just what the doctor ordered.
I am really quite red with blushing at all the kindness. Thank you for seeing me and for still liking me. It is most comforting.
Glad you feel better Poppy. Thanks for sharing your rant and your anti rant aftercare
Sometimes you just need to let out…
I’m happy that you feel better, cleaner and calmer.
Did you take down the rant blog because you were ashamed of it? I wish you hadn’t. We could all relate to it, and it’s especially awesome to see the stark contrast between the “before and after.”
ALL your feelings are allowed, sweet girl.
Ally, thank you. I really did need to let it out. You have no idea how much it helped.
Erica, thank you. I wasn’t ashamed. I just saw how it could be read the wrong way and I did not want to hurt anyone. I am really glad you wrote this because I think we can all relate to that level of frustration.