I have had a mediocre week.
Work is very busy and no matter how hard I work there seems to be more coming. My desk is messy, which I hate. I am still tired after the weekend when I had guests, and I am horribly behind on emails. A post I did not mean to go up went up by accident (twice). I have not been for a run in over a week because the weekend was too busy. and it has been dark every night after I got home.
But it is Thursday and there is a new TV show on tonight that I want to watch. I have some cherry Green and Blacks chocolate. I have just made a sinfully unhealthy but comforting dinner (toad in the hole, home made of course) which has left me feeling overwhelmed but happy. I am about to have a bath with a bath bomb. I have a new magazine to read while I soak. I have some Creme Anglaise Lush body lotion which smells amazing. I am reading a wonderful book.
Do you know what I really want?
Do you know what would replace all of these attempts at self comfort? These hand patting gestures that cover up a little bruise of need, do you know what need they attempt to hide?
I want him to come in and kiss me. I want him to warm me with strong arms, and let me hide inside them like a vampire’s cape. I want him to kiss me until I am slightly dizzy. I want to pull away a little and have him ignore my distraction. I want him to lead me by the hand to the bed and to ignore me a little more while I make soft protests at how he embarrasses me while he bends me down over his lap.
I want him to unwrap me like a luscious toffee, and I would continue to whine. He would smile at my back, un-arched as yet. He would warm me first, gentle, rhythmic, more a waltz than a march. He would build the pace and the force. I won’t write this too much, I can’t. I want it too much.
I can tell you how it would end. I would still be feeling every slap, pain would be multi layered, memory upon memory. My bottom would be swollen and I would want very much to cool it with my hands. But I would still be over his lap. I would not have moved one jot because I would feel a devotion to him, a peaceful adoration that is in every drop of my blood. All I would need would be to offer him something more of myself, some loving act that would take him from active to passive, to guide the moment from his giving to my offering . He would let me slip off his lap, and he would look down and smile.
I would place myself, neat as a geisha in front of him, and my bottom would burn onto my upturned feet. Earnestly, I would lean towards him. I would be intensely happy.
This is what I would like.
… ‘And when I write stuff, I can push it across the table and say, “Here – I wrote this for you.”’ …
And then I can say, thank you very much for writing this for me. It’s lovely.
I know.
Be kind to yourself anyway, Poppy. Take that bath, enjoy your chocolate and your TV program. Rest.
You WILL experience exactly what you crave, with him, once again.
Poppy, good evening. :rainbow :rose :moon
og ‘s, it didn’t take genius to guess why you have been so quiet this week. 
I remember that feeling so well, everybody had left, except me, the security man on his rounds says, ” the building is locked up, sir, buzz me when you want to leave.
Still TGIF, relax, enjoy yourself, regenerate, take a dish of Phish Food. :cocktail :cake
Take a run with your
I echo Erica’s wish for you. :4leaf
sleep tight dear girl, count :sheep if you must. :lion
Love and warm hugs, :love
Paul.
You are very welcome, Dev and thank you.
Erica, thank you because I believe you do know. I had my bath and I watching TV, soon I will sleep and then it will be the weekend!
Thank you for believing. I think I need a bit of belief. xx
Paul, we posted at the same time!
Am I that transparent? I suspect I am. I will go running with the dogs tomorrow I hope- or Saturday.
We will get to the weekend soon. I hope you have a good night too.
xx
Poppy, my heart aches for you, I can’t imagine how hard it must be at times. (I would give you a hug but you haven’t put one up.)
You should take up skipping for when you can’t run, it’s supposed to be very good for you, at least that’s what someone said on Radio 2 this morning so it must be true!
Alice, I would never put up a hug here. I am too English for that.
But thank you, I will think of skipping, I am sure the dogs would love it.
Hi Poppy! I had to look up toad in a hole, it sounds good. There is something comforting in eating breakfast for dinner. (not to mention it is quicker)
I hope Friday flies by for you so you can get to enjoy your weekend. Your description of what you want/need is so beautiful, you can put into words what I am still a bit too embarrassed to. I truly hope you two will be together soon.
Run with you dogs, but don’t slip on the ice like did.
Poppy, this is so beautifully said, so gently and graciously expressed. You put into words so many tangled up feelings of my own.
And Dev, I remember that post Poppy wrote that she ended that way. I think everything she writes she writes for you. :love
It’s been a long week here, too. Waiting for better day soon! :rainbow
Poppy, that was painfully beautiful….thank you.
“a little bruise of need” breath taking, really. That is why I come here. That and the lovely pictures, and the fabulous comments, which I just recently discovered.
Hi, Kaki!
Toad in the hole is very much not eaten for breakfast, it is an evening (or a big heavy lunch dish) but I do love having breakfast for dinner. It is Friday morning now. I am awake and showered and my hair is washed. I am hoping that means that Friday is almost done. I am so sorry that you fell on the ice, that is so painful. Thank you for saying such kind things about this and you will put your desires into words when it is right for you.
Hi, Scarlet,
Thank you so much and I know you are having a long week too. Some weeks are just longer than others and we both have some silly clients to deal with. I like that you know how these needs feel. I do write for Dev but I also write for the girls too. It helps to know I am not alone.
Hi, Kundalini,
Well, thank you too. I am glad you come here and I agree the comments are fabulous. We have a high calibre of reader which makes the writing so rewarding for me to do. I know that you will understand and that matters very much to me.
“Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach? ” (Greta Garbo)
It is within reach. Soon, I bet, Poppy.
Lovely post.
Thank you. Sadly, it is not even a little bit in reach and certainly not soon. I have had some chocolate.
Poppy, good afternoon. :rainbow :rose :rain :cloud
: 
og ‘s.
I hope that Friday is turning out better than the rest of the week. :sun
It appears that I had a senior moment yesterday, as I thought that it was Friday. 8)
Being retired does that sometimes, we tend to lose track of the days.
By the time you read this your week will be over, unless you take work home, which you probably do. :tea :cake
Still try and relax this week-end, enjoy your run and your
Love and warm hugs, :love
Paul.
You described it in a wonderful way.
I know the stress. The more you work, the longer the “To-do”-list gets. That’s weird and ironic.
I wish I got taken care of right now, too :rose
Hugs,
Maria
Oh Poppy this was so beautiful. And I know exactly what you mean, and how you feel…
Hugs
Raven
Raven, I know you know just what I mean. I am sending you hugs too.
Maria, I think these to-do lists are spreading. I hope you get taken care of soon. xxx
Paul, you have worked hard enough and long enough to be able to forget which day is which. I have taken huge amounts of work home but I have plans for a lovely day tomorrow. I hope you do too. Sending hugs. xxx
Poppy,
I’m sorry you had this kind of week (you too Scarlet). I think it is going around. We are making changes at my work that I don’t at all agree with, and one day I had to shut myself in my office and cry a bit – which to me is the equivalent to hugging to you, so you can understand I don’t like to do it one bit
I’m putting on my optimistic cap, however, and hoping it will all work out.
I hope you’re able to get what you want sooner than you think, but until then I hope all of our virtual good thoughts bring you a little happiness. :love
Em, you poor love. I hate it when there are changes like that, it can feel overwhelming and depressing. You have my sympathy.
And do you know what? All your virtual thoughts do bring happiness. I am sending some to you too- I hope you can feel them. :love