Just how old are you?
I am not in the least bit interested in your chronological age. Boring, boring, boring, not to mention none of my business.
What I am interested in is – how old are you with all this stuff that we think about here. I would rather talk about this topic here because this forum is more discrete than the place I share with Dev. I think this topic is a shy making one. If I can put another poll up then I will- so you can click and be anonymous. If you want to write about it do – but write as much or as little as you want. I am not demanding an explanation because I think explanations may be too much.
I suppose I have to tell you how old I am. But before I do that I want to be clear that I don’t dress up or think I am anything other than me. I am in my late thirties. All I mean by age is a short cut to how you feel in yourself when you are thinking about all this.
Writing about this makes me nervous and shy; it is vulnerable and that is why I demand that I do it. It matters. So, although it makes me nervous, I will do it anyway.
That is my fifteen year old self speaking and my stubborn, willful (I can hear Dev use those words now) girl who wants to hurl herself into every experience and very rarely thinks of the consequences. This gets me into trouble a lot. I think this is unfair. I get spanked. I get cuddled. I do it all over again.
Sometimes when everything feels a bit too much I feel about eight years old. All I want is someone (or Dev) to draw ridiculously strict lines around me and be controlling. I don’t want freedom, I don’t want choices, and if I get either of those things I feel unhappy, tense and scared. I trust him with everything I am and everything I have.
But that is me.
There are others. I am going to make a guess about two people, neither of whom I will name.
Woman number one I see as about twenty one, maybe twenty two. Headstrong with bells on, she can take on the world and usually will, especially if she feels that someone thinks she should stop. Too old to be told what to do, she sometimes finds someone who can make her mind, but only, and this is key, if she respects him. Otherwise all the strength in the world would not alter her one bit. She very much does not need a bedtime or to be told what to say or what to wear. She is totally autonomous in all practical ways but emotionally she is still very tender and if she values you enough she may let you see that. She might let you spank her just for fun, as she is self assured enough for that, but for a meaningful conquest, and a conquest of her is always meaningful, you had better have wit and skill enough to take her on.
The second woman is about seventeen, although I suspect she is a little younger sometimes in private. She is self aware and playful but not totally sure of herself. She knows a little of the world but knows that she knows only a little, which in itself is worth a lot. She is not sure she wants to know more but is content to be where she is for a while. She laughs a lot and plays readily but only when and where she feels secure. She needs a strong figure to be around her, but not all the time, and she can complete little forays away and can learn on her own, but she wants to talk to him about it at the end of the day. She is internally driven but needs him to assert himself; that way she knows she is safe to explore again tomorrow. She takes great joy from time spent with other girls, and this is because they are part of her journey right now.
I don’t know how it is for Tops. I suspect all of them were born aged about, what? 43 or 53 or 124 or something I suppose. Tops are odd. They make no sense.
Wow. The second woman. That’s me.
Just wow.
I am glad. I wrote it about someone else we all know and I am thrilled to know that it suits you.
I feel a bit wow myself.
When I started joining in here and next door, I fell back into feeling about 5 years old, and a fairly stroppy 5 year old at times! However I’ve grown up a bit now, I feel about 12 or 13 years old! Still very insecure most of the time, still working out who I am, but that feels OK. Especially with some big sisters around to help!
I think that is normal and I think we all slip around ages at various times. I think that is the joy of this. We can express ourselves.
And of course, we are very grown up at other times. We are age appropriate.
Poppy, good evening :rose :moon :star
, sweet or endearing but always lovable. :love 
og 
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Very interesting. edit note, (very rarely things of the consequences.) :um only saying
The sort of age that you are talking is a movable feast, the girl that does this can be annoying, irritating
Men have something similar, only not quite as obvious, sometimes I feel ten and sometime one hundred and ten and every age in between.
In my head I’m about half my chronological age.
Though my body tries to tell me different. :rain :storm
Have a great evening. :cocktail :4leaf
Love and warm hugs, :love
Paul.
Hi, Paul!
I made the change, thank you.
We are never annoying or irritating- we are sweet and delightful all the time.
I think we all feel one hundred and ten at times.
Ignore your body, it does not know what it is talking about.
I am watching The Tudors for the first time. It is a pile of lies and silliness.
I hope you are having a good evening too.
Sometimes, I feel like the twenty one year-old woman you’ve described. I’m in control but will yield to someone who has won my respect.
Sometimes, I want to be a child again, not having to worry about anything, make any decisions, and just play. These are the times when I’m stressed, frustrated or even slightly depressed. Playing like a child and having someone in charge releases the tension.
I do wish I have that someone.
Very interesting topic. I think many spankees do find a head space that is younger than their actual age… sometimes much-much younger… though there is a good amount of embarrassment in sharing that fact. I think many though love to escape (for lack of a better word) back to a time when they weren’t asked to be in control, they were taken care of and loved completely and the line between doing good and doing bad was crystal clear. Spanking… for some… offers that.
As a spanker though, it’s a totally different experience. The simplicity of a spanking… the care, the clear line between good and naughty… that works very nicely for me. It just comes from a different perspective as the giver.
Now I will say Suzy has told me I ACT like an 80 year old before… lol… and I always tell her that I agree… AND, she will be getting my next birthday spanking!
~Todd
Hi Poppy,
I’m in my late forties and mostly feel that way. Sometimes I still feel the wonder of a child at how life works out. Sometimes I feel older because I take on too much responsibility and control. In the world of submission though, I am a babe – I spent all my life avoiding it, looking down on it even and being in complete fear of allowing anyone authority over me in a personal sense. Thankfully, I started to appreciate being feminine a couple of years ago, trusting my partner and recognizing my weaknesses in taking care of myself and managing too much in my life. I am more like the first person in your examples trust and respect are key, true correction even scolding is still difficult for me to take and for Fisher to give. This is our 20th year of marriage and we currently have three teenagers. Life is discovery and we are exploring it together. I like the blite because it helps me explore, I enjoy the banter and I love the pictures and the prose.
Poppy, I love all of these descriptions. Parts of all of them could certainly describe me
I have a hard time discussing these things in terms of age, just because the “age” I feel sometimes is entirely fictional – that is I never actually experienced it growing up.
I’ve had a post brewing for a while that was inspired by these words from a song:
She needs wide open spaces, room to make her own mistakes… She knows the high stakes.
That’s what your second description reminds me of – being able to go out and explore, knowing that there’s someone who will give you room to spread your wings, a push in the right direction when needed, and a safe place to land.
I am turning the BIG 50 in March,but I must say I don’t feel that old,and I have been told I don’t look that old! People usually guess about 15 years younger,especially after a round with Miss Clairol.
Anyway I have NEVER felt my chronological age which I suppose is good,even had a nephew ask me if I was a kid or an adult when I was around 30. So how old do I feel spanking wise? Mostly around 11-12 not quite a teen yet but not a little girl,though she is there too. My little is around the 6-8 range,oh and my fifteen year old emotional roller coaster self is still about as well. 
I feel a lot younger than I really am, especially at spanking time. But I also feel like a very capable young woman, in control of herself.
Hugs,
Hermione
Good morning.
Hermione, you make a good point. We girls are all capable, we balance all kinds of things. I understand, though, that you and I are different when we get spanked. I like that we have these different spanking (or spanked) personalities. We are part of a wonderful smorgasbord.
Scunge, I love that you are so comfortable with these different aspects of yourself. This range of aspects I think is something everyone has, to greater or lesser degrees. I think we girls, around here, some of us express these aspects in very specific ways.
Em, I too think age is an internal construct. Maybe it should not be but for you and me, it certainly is or was. But you know what is wonderful about it? We don’t have to grieve over lost chances. I hope you write that post soon.
Annie, when I am at work, driving my car, sorting out the practicalities of life I feel my age too. I think that is quite right. If we did not act our age (or close to it) at these times then we would be terribly rude and inconsiderate of others. I understand the stages you are working through. I too, fought authority so hard that it hurt for a long time. It sounds like you are finding some wonderful part of yourself. I am happy for you and happy that we can play a little part of your journey.
Hi, Todd!
This was a tough post to decide to write because , just as you say, this is an embarrassing topic. I was worried that people would mutter to themselves and then avoid me. Your description of the time we long to escape to (and I think escape is a perfect word) is perfect and I think any one that finds that is very lucky.
I never considered the clean lines and simplicity of it from a spanker’s point of view and it makes sense to me.
At least share your cake with Suzy, she will need the sugar and comfort after all of that.
Mindy, I don’t think you are that twenty one year old, I think feeling that way is a stage for you as you explore all this. Please keep faith that you will explore this with someone one day. You seem like such a delightful woman that a man would be lucky to have that experience with you.
I love all those selves, but it is definitely the 15-year-old who gets spanked the most. In case anybody wondered.
Although I know you wrote the first woman with someone else in mind, I cannot help but see myself in those words. The woman D spanks, when not for pleasure, is defiant and headstrong, confident yet vulnerable. She yields to him because she respects him and he is one of the few people who is allowed to see all of her vulnerabilities.
I think, though, that each of us can see ourselves in almost every age. There are days when I feel 80, feel like I’ve seen too much to be anything but cynical. And then there are days when I feel the optimism of a 17-year-old, someone who believes that there is far more joy than pain, far more trustworthy people than deceptive ones. (I do actually have that mentality most of the time.)
Lovely post and interesting topic.
What a lovely post :rose
It made curious about wondering, who the girls you described, are!
I was born mentally old, and mostly I feel like someone 100 years old. At the same time I look very child-like and I’m quite small, so even in my late twenties I still have to show my ID if I buy beer in the store. It creates a funny contrast; sometimes people don’t know how they should deal with me.
Hugs!
Maria
Dev, I do not think anyone wondered anything of the sort, thank you.
Hi, Pink! I do not see you as the first woman but I really see you as the second. I wrote the first woman with Erica in mind and the second with someone from the blite in mind. We are, as you say, every age, it is interesting to see where we recline. It is horrid having to see such things as you have. I am sorry you had to.
Maria, honey, I have seen your art work and read your writing. I would put you at about 14 years old with the ability to be 100 when you need to. You sound a little better. I hope you feel it. xx
Awww, sounds good, Poppy: “I would put you at about 14 years old with the ability to be 100 when you need to. ” :love
Yes, I feel much better already! It’s almost unbelievable
Hugs!
-Maria
Hi Poppy,
I’m sorry to be so late getting over here. Weekends are tighter time-wise, with Roman home. But I love what you wrote and it’s made me think about this seriously for the first time.
I was 17 when things happened that made me grow up very fast, zoom right past many of the more protected young girl experiences and thrust me into being very mature before I wanted to be. In my early twenties, in my first jobs, I was given great boatloads of responsibility and access to people far above my position, because of the way I spoke and acted, and how I conducted myself.
But I do believe that a part of me is frozen in that 17 year old self. I want so much to have the safety to play and laugh and be carefree. Life hasn’t always conspired to arrange that for me, at least not consistently, but whenever I am with Roman I have felt safe. And more important, I have been safe.
Like Annie, it took me a little while to let go of my in-charge self and let Roman lead, but the exploration of this part of my nature has been, in many ways, like a healing trip back in time. It is such a gift to laugh and play with the girls on the blite, and with Roman, and to step outside the very grown up girl in my own head who will make me unhappy, sometimes, if I let her.
Does a 17 year old still believe in magic? I do. So maybe there’s a bit of a five year old inside me, too. Just a little, little girl, looking out toward a world filled with wonder.
I think the luckiest people of every age still believe in magic. I hope you do, too.
I do believe in magic because of people like you and events like this.
You were the second girl, that is how I see you! Isn’t that odd or wonderful or bizarre?
I am sorry that happened at 17, whatever it was. I am glad you found Roman and I am glad you found your way to this little circle. Your five year old sounds perfect. I like her very much. I have been sitting here a bit bewildered and what you wrote was so magical that I am smiling like a little girl.
I am sending you big hugs. xxxx
Poppy, this is a fascinating topic. I’m a lot like the 21/22 year old you describe, but not in the take on the world way, lol. For me, it’s more like a take care of the world way and I rarely fly into things because people think I should stop; if anything I am too carefully planned.
If we’re talking experience-wise with all of this…well, that’s another story altogether.
If we were talking experience wise I would be just about walking but not without holding onto someone’s leg and I certainly could not go to a party on my own.
You do sound like the 21 year old but do you think that is where you will be when you soothe into this more? Is she not a place to be on your way?
The person I described is super happy and landed in her 21 year old place. I wonder what your age will be when you investigate further. It may well be 21 – I do not know.
I’m not sure what she is Poppy.
I’m not the 15, definitely not the 8, and it seems that both of those are almost expected in this. I hope that some day I’ll get to explore further with someone I trust.
Well what its worth I was 50-something about the time I hit 14 and have been getting younger ever since.
I was looking forward to the point where both my ages met in the middle but I must have blinked and I missed it.
Interestingly I do think doms have an age range as well and are not constant.
I wonder if a sense of fun and responsibility are always entirely compatible when it comes to virtual ages.
DJ
ps HB dropped in today and I just had to write it up.
Kate, I am sorry! Neither 8 nor 15 need be involved, they were me and there is no need for it to be you.
I am sure you will get to explore this more. I think that will be a wonderful experience for both if you.
DJ, that is a fascinating idea- about compatible ages. I think the age you are now is perfect.
I look forward to reading about HB. The meanies in my world (mortgage and tax) are making me go to work now. Grrr.
Arrrrrrhhhhhhhhhh!
I read it- well, no, i did not, i have to go to work! Oh!
I could kiss you.
xxxxx
(Dev will understand!)
I hadn’t thought of it in a good while but I’ve probably reached the age I always felt. Now I guess the face goes with the voice.
I find this post interesting in that it reinforces something I “discovered.” I like girls, have always liked girls but had to accept that I was getting older and the girls were getting so young. But I, fortunately, broke free of this chronological mindset. I discovered that there were girls everywhere. It’s just as they got older, the woman came to dominate her persona. The woman who handled work, kids, responsibilities, all the mundane adult tasks. Now this woman doesn’t appear at any given age, she just slowly takes over as the responsibilities add up, whether that be at 12 or 25. But if you know to look, and thankfully, if you learn to make a well-timed comment or take a well-timed action, you’ll see the girl. I’ve seen the girl in elderly women, women my age, and even young women, who are much more reluctant to reveal the girl since their adult persona is not yet confident.
If you are really lucky and the woman wants to let the girl out to play, she trusts you won’t be mean to the girl and, most importantly, you don’t try to treat the woman as a child when she’s trying to get work done, then you’ll get to play with the girl. The woman I guess goes off to take a nap, they’re usually tired; but she’ll be back in a second if you don’t play nice. A word of warning, don’t betray the girl or you’ll end up dealing with a third persona that is often labeled with an unpleasant term. It won’t be pretty, but it will be personal.
So what does my off the wall theory have to do with this post, well, it is interesting read how the girls here are personas similar to my theory. Gives me hope I’m not delusional in the matter.
Nikolai, you are wonderful. Perfectly, absolutely wonderful. I may have to come up with another name for you other than Kaa. Not that you aren’t Kaa-like, for you certainly have a seductive way about you that lures girls like us in.
But you’re much more than that.
Very well considered and well said, Nikolai.
DJ, read your HB tale. Very nice.
Maria, SO glad you’re feeling better. Let’s not forget to take our vitamins ever again, shall we? Thank you.
I wont!
I took my vitamin-D today, Dev.
Abd I loved what Nikolai wrote :love
Sorry I am a bit late here, not too much quiet time around here lately to think.
I see a lot of myself in the second girl. I don’t think I ever feel my real age, I don’t know what it is supposed to feel like, I just know I think much younger. I like magic and having an active imagination. I feel anywhere from eight to around fourteen when playing and being silly with the girls on the blite. I think I am like a five year old in trusting people too much, even though I have gotten my feelings hurt. Life threw me a curve ball almost twenty-five years ago and made me feel much older and serious. So now, I like to be cared for, laugh more, let Him take the lead and I follow, not like a child though. We are still very new to all this and learning, I think I feel in my early thirties.
Just catching up with all the latest comments. You have really opened up a fascinating discussion, Poppy. I love being able to slip back and forward between feeling like a girl, and being a mother to young adults. I used to find the transition awkward, but now it’s fun, I can be serious when I need to be but I definitely laugh a lot more.
It looks like a lot of us had to grow up too soon for different reasons, maybe that is why we treasure it now.
Nikolai, that was wonderful. It was beautiful and inspired. It got to the heart of what I was saying with far more insight than I had.
We love it when a man sees past our woman, when he lets us be the girl. We are grateful for men like you. Men like you make the world a better place.
Kaki, both of you showed me I was right to leave this post up another day. You are never late, this was perfect timing. This range of ages is perfect and I think sums up how many of us feel. I really appreciate you writing this. It helped me today. Life is a mixed up thing, isn’t it? But it is ok that it is mixed up.
I missed you there, Alice.
I wonder if we missed a bit or if everyone misses a bit and we are the girls who came back to try again.
But it does feel good, doesn’t it?