I am writing this to say thank you to Paul, Lorraine, Lisa, Erica, Ronnie, Season, Maria, Kate, Prefectdt, Michael and Dev. What you wrote yesterday was so kind and was like someone giving me a comforting squeeze just when I needed it.
I did find yesterday very tough. I was crying so hard in the airport that the security guy made a joke. Upon seeing my passport he expressed surprise that I was not from Alabama – my accent could not be more English. A girl has to be in a bad way for airport security to make jokes.
I stopped crying in the airport after twenty minutes or so (I cannot imagine what people thought) and felt nothing for a long time. I had two planes to catch and only twenty minutes between one arriving and the next one boarding. You can imagine how exciting that is. But I caught the plane and chatted to Himself when I made the second one.
And then I just sat and felt nothing.
The plane flew from Atlanta sunshine into the dark and over the ocean. I read and slept a little. Music kept making me cry so I did not listen to my ipod. I did not think much. I just was there. I kept on sneaking a look at the dark sky. But then at some point dawn broke and I saw this.
And it was beautiful. It does not look so beautiful here but it was. The clouds looked like a new world, they looked like mountains and valleys. And this is when I started to know it would be ok. The world is so beautiful, how can I, so much part of this world, not be happy in it?
And a few hours after that I saw home.
I love home. I love the patchwork fields and the houses tucked into one another. I love the wind farms and the dark grey sea. I love the contrasting colours and the way the sun falls between the clouds.
We landed and I stood in the queue to be allowed into the country. That really is the moment you are home, isn’t it? It is that moment when they have to let you in and they smile at you because you belong. I like to belong somewhere.
In the queue I looked at my phone and got my messages and that is when I saw the kind, wonderful messages people had left for my last post. It was the most warming feeling. I had told you and you understood. I felt less alone and I felt comforted. All day those messages came. Everyone of them helped and made me smile. The world seemed less hard and more loving. I needed that so much.
I curled up on my bed and slept for hours last night. I held my dogs close and they pushed hard into me. I was too sad still to comment. I just had to be silent for a bit.
But I know it will be ok. Himself and I are used to distance. I love him and he loves me. And I can write and be heard by kind, thoughtful, open people. I appreciate every single message so, so much that I cannot express enough gratitude.
Thank you.
I promise to remember how lucky I am. I am happy. Is that odd? I miss him but I love him. And he loves me. He loves me! This wonderful, clever, dominant, kind, sexy man loves me. I can’t believe it.
I have so much to tell you that I did not have the time to write about before. I was sad yesterday and I have been sad before that, but I am too lucky and too loved to be sad anymore. If I need a little cry I will snurl up with Himself and tell him all about it and then he will tell me that everything will be ok. He told me that at the airport as I made his tee shirt all wet with my tears. He told me everything is going to work out and he is in charge of me so that has to be true, doesn’t it?
It might take me a few days to get back to my normal bratting levels but I will. I have a new role model, but more about her anon.
Poppy,
I’m sorry you are so sad. It’s hard leaving someone you love. Your dogs will make you feel better, if they’re anything like mine. i am certain Devlin is just as sad.
Hugs,
Hermione
Poppy dear girl, sometimes it’s the only way, express yourself in writing.
And here you have done that very well.
The feeling of coming home is so basic, so human, the need to belong so necessary, that even when we are sad, it calms our soul.
The view out of an aeroplane can be amazing, and the first sight of home can leave you speechless but happy.
The great thing about love is that it transcends time and space; He loves you and you love Him, in the best and worst of times this is a safe space for both of you.
On the surface this is a sad post, but underneath there is a powerful stream of love and happiness.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
It´s heart-aching, but real love is, isn´t it
?
It´s good to know you got home safe!
Hugs!
Maria
ps. Welcome to Europe again
I know someday you two will be together permanently true love WILL out. Until then you have us your online buddies to help ease the pain. Sounds as if your puppies are a great comfort (I know when I get to have mine with me she does the same)so enjoy your dog kisses and settling back into life at “home”. Why “home” in quotes? Well I think like me you are only truly HOME when you are with HIMSELF.
Hi Hermione, I am sorry that sounded so sad. I did not mean it to but it must have leaked out. He is sad too, just as you say but he will be ok and as you say, the dogs make me feel better. We went for a walk today and they were all tails and flappy ears. So cute!
Paul, home is amazing, isn’t it? It soothes one when nothing else can. I love the idea of love transcending time and space. I do feel happy, even now.
Maria, thank you! It is wonderful to be home (and in almost the same time zone as you- we kept missing each other!)
Kate, I do have the best online buddies. Home is where the heart is. i hope you have your puppy with you lots and lots. They help.
Like the girl in the movie said, there’s no place like home. But while I draw breath there always will be a little, livable bit of America that is as much home to you as England.
You see why I love you? What is a girl to do?
I had cookies and milk- that makes me American, doesn’t it?
I think all you need to do now is take the oath of allegiance and you can run for governor of Florida if you want.
I sobbed in the shuttle van to the airport from Michael’s place last time I left him. He was out of my sight for 5 seconds and the flood gates opened. Poor van driver tried to make small talk but then gave up. Ten minutes later he picked up another passenger to join us and they chatted and I retreated inside myself.
Saying goodbye is such a hard thing to do. But then soon enough it is time to start getting ready for that next hello. May yours come soon!
Thank you, Season. I know we will say hello again soon. It will happen.
Dev, I will introduce more book shops to Floridia (that is not a spelling mistake) and make it so that in order to be allowed into any eaterie one has to do appropriate time in the gym. (I just weighed myself. Gulp and shudder.)
I know I´m being selfish for saying this, but I´m kind of happy that you´re back home so I have someone to socialize when I´m awake. It sucks to miss all the great conversations because I´m already snoring in the bed when those happen
X
M