Authority

I should be doing fifteen other things now but I want to write this. The more I write the more I don’t understand how I lived my life without writing. It helps me to think things through.

I feel the same way about Himself. A number of times through the day I file things away to speak with him about. I want to know what he thinks, how he sees something. I work things through in these ways.

I have not spoken to him about this topic though. I am speaking to him now, telling him how I feel about it as I tell you.

I want to talk about authority.

Authority is many, many things but the aspect of it I want to focus on here is the quality of authority that allows one person to have control or power over another with no external force.

I am fascinated by this skill. I have to have it within my job. I have to have that kind of authority and I know that when I am in the zone, when it is all going my way it feels wonderful to bring groups of people with me. It is not a power trip, it is not about making people do things against their will or things that are not good for them. It is about bringing people to better places, it is about orchestrating them to thrive. It feels fantastic.

It is a subtle thing to exert. It is something in the voice, the eyes, the demeanour and the magic. The magic is the indefinable part of it, the part that I could maybe define if I were prepared to study it and put authority under a microscope. But I don’t want to. I like the magic. I like the purple smoke of it. I like the mystery.

I love authority. I love having it at times. I thrive in an environment (at home and at work) where someone has authority over me.

I love that some people do not have authority over me. That moment where they are cocky and overextend themselves and they look nervous makes me happy for some inexplicable reason. I would not be cruel or unkind but I am not easy to control. I don’t think I am unusual or special in that way.

I think maybe lots of girls that can submit to a special someone are like me. I bet lots of these girls look askance at someone who takes their obedience for granted. It is not that we have to be unkind or rude to the person that foolishly assumes we will say “Yes, Sir” where no acquiescence has been ascertained. We do not have to be horrid because that would suggest insecurity and a lack of dignity.

But let’s not look at these figures lacking in authority because they bore me.

Why can some people assert authority at all?

For me, they have to have self control. They can control themselves and it shows. I think they will look neat and they will hold themselves with a relaxed but firm demeanour.

They will not be shy of me or afraid of me. They will hold my stare for slightly longer than I can hold theirs. They will often show a little humour at my flashes of temper or impatience. They would not be mean or belittle me but rather just allow themselves to be amused at my idiosyncrasies.

They will be kind, self confident and so never would they need to mock someone’s faults or failings. They will tell me when I screw up. They will tell me without embarrassment or fear.

I am a lucky girl. I have a boss who is just like this. I am doing the best work of my life under him. He praises me and I feel fabulous. I trust him to tell me when I am silly. I enjoy his authority.

I have a Himself who has oodles of authority. I am changing under him, starting to do things I have always wanted to do. I am altering stretching, changing. When he tells me I am good I curl up in delight. When he tells me I am not so good (can you feel my pout?) he brings me right back where I need to be and it does not matter one jot how I feel about it.

When he tells me off I curl down and around his words. When his blue eyes become stern I just want to hold his hand and wrap his arm around me to keep me safe. When he pulls me across his lap there is only a tiny part of me that says “No, don’t do that.” The rest of me knows he is right and accepts his position over me. I trust him to make everything good again. I don’t understand why he has to spank me to do that.

I know that he has to do these things but they make no sense to me. I don’t understand why sometimes he has to use his belt or a cane. But I know when I type those words I press the keys a little more lightly. They make me smaller for a while and then I grow again in his arms. I am thirty six and I love a man that spanks me when I am naughty. That is some amazing authority.

For me, authority can’t be a bad thing. Mean people and unkind people can’t have authority over me. People in authority can’t tell me to do bad things -why would someone who feels good about themselves tell me to do something bad? I have no wish to discuss Milgram or his experiments even though I know they tell us terrifying truths about the human condition. I cannot begin to presume that I would be the exception in those experiments.

It is just that I am so happy and so thrilled with life because I am nestled up in good authority. I hope you have found yours too.

Would you like another?