(I can’t put any pictures on this because they would be all wrong. Next post will have lots of pretty pictures, I promise.)
I can be a sensitive thing about this thing we do.
It is odd because at work and in life I can be quite hard. I have to have a hard bit to use to keep me safe and to make sure that I can look after other people. I bet lots of girls are like that.
But in this blog, in this love, this exploration, this play and this locating of what I am, I have to be open. It is hard to be open but there really is no choice.
You can’t look for something when you are all curled up in fear. You can’t tell the truth when you don’t trust. You can’t love when you are thinking of pain.
But this internet is a big, scary world.
I wonder if you find the same thing.
I have met some wise, warm, wonderful people on the internet and I have met some very scary people too. I know that is like all of life, we meet such a range of people everywhere we go but in the rest of life I am not so real or so vulnerable as I am here.
Isn’t it odd how some people use the internet to hide themselves and fanatsise and make up amazing fabrications about themselves?
And isn’t it just as odd how others use the internet to tell the truth when they have to lie everywhere else?
I am truthful here. This is me. It is who and what I am. If you read my mutterings often then you know me better than my colleagues, my friends and most of my family.
I know it doesn’t matter that you know me, I am just a girl like any other girl. I am no more or less interesting than anyone else.
I am thinking about perversion.
Someone was throwing that word around recently, the person threw it at me and it hurt. I let the barb in, I should not have let it in but I did.
It still hurts but now I understand. I understand a little more what perversion is.
Perversion is taking something good and making it into something bad.
It is taking a lie and presenting it as truth.
It is taking a loving relationship and twisting it into some painful betrayal.
It is betraying trust, using trust to hurt someone.
There are lots of really horrid examples I could give here but I don’t ever want to mention really horrid things here and I know you know what I mean.
There are lots of sexual things that are not my thing and maybe once upon a time I may have called them perversions but they are not. I don’t need to name what I am not partial to, it isn’t necessary. There will be someone who would read it and think, “Oh, well, I think that is a rather wonderful thing.” and that person may feel a bit miffed that their source of joy was picked on.
And this writing is about perversions. I know what a pervert is and as long as I continue to tell the truth, to be honest, open and loving, as long as I treat those around me with consideration and respect and as long as I act appropriately with everyone I encounter then I know that no matter what I write about I am not a pervert.
But it is OK.
I just had to think it through. It is all better now. I have thunk.
In psychology, sexual behavior deemed pathological by its deviation from "normal" WAS called perversion. Many people borrow that term without understanding and maybe using it reveals their discomfort with sexuality, their own and others. What is "normal" has changed so much over the years and is quite a biased concept. Normal is a range. Today, most psychologists will look for "healthy" rather than "normal". They understand that nature varies, and now focus on whether lifestyle, activities, thoughts, are destructive or productive.
Does TTWD enrich you, or is it damaging to you?
Poppy, you know what you know.
TTWD is wonderful. It enriches me and makes me feel better about myself.
I just finally understood what perversion means to me. I just wanted to write about it, to think about it.
I do know what I am.
Poppy,
I am sorry that someone hurt you. We do open ourselves up to a whole array of people out here. And this is the place where we share our intermost secrets.
I am fortunate that so far I haven't received any negative comments from my blog or people who know about TTWD.
You are right however, we all need to be a lot more open to how others live their lives. What may be right for one may not be right for others but that doesn't make it wrong or perverted.
Take what others say as a grain of salt. If it feels right to you and your S/O then it is right. Let the rest of the world figure out on their own what they are missing!!!
Thank you, Janet. I am just one of those people that has to think it all through to feel better and I wrote in case other people have struggled with this word.
We all do our best, don't we, to muddle through? And it is worth it, being out here and being open. I have met some fantastic people. I bet you have too.
Poppy, I am happy that you have thunk, always a good thing to do.
I learned a long time ago that one persons joy is another's perversion.
Those who wish to control and wield none existent power, will set up a narrow set of behaviors, anyone who oversteps those bounds is a pervert.
Also a common tool among despotic governments who wish to control their people within an inch of their lives.
Pervert/perversion only have value to the ignorant or to Demagogues, both of whom it behoves us to ignore.
Poppy you are a sweet lady and a joy to your friends, be damned to what antone else says.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Paul, I needed to read what you wrote at that exact moment. I think you may have a sixth sense.
It is odd isn't it, that some people wish to control others? And here is me and people like me who have people that do yield a little (most loving) control and we thrive on it. But when people try to control us from a place that is not love we feel how bad that is for us at once.
I will ignore such horrid control and focus on lovely people who say kind things, such as yourself.
Quite right, Poppy. Paul, well said.
I needed to read all this today….I am still reeling from the pain caused by my ex-husband who called me that horrid P-Word when I asked him to take me in hand, love me enough to discipline me…, but no more.
Jeff has offered me loving discipline from day one…been there for me, been very clear on what it is I need, and I do agree with him 100%. I will do my level best to be a good girl for Jeff always, and I know that he will be there to guide me when I get off track, and help me remember exactly how a good girl behaves, and how she does not.
My ex can go hang, for all I care. I am a good girl, and it is his loss for not seeing what stood before him offering him a wonderful gift.
Some people are mean. They just are and they lash out when they could walk away or just ask questions or maybe just be nice.
They are mean people and have their own agenda, they just lack the gut and gumption to say what they really are scared of.
And I think you are right. Those people lose a lot when they lash out but you and I are ok because we are loved, safe and doing our best to be good people.
Oh, you made me mad about it all over again. I will go and laugh at lolcats.
I am sorry for making you mad Poppy…should I go stand in the corner for a bit?
Look at LOLcats…they will make you smile again.
I posted a comment earlier but wordpress ate it. I said "to thine own self be true". But now I need to respond to Jenny's comment. My ex called me the P word too. He's an ex for many other reasons, but that one's pretty good.
Look at LOLdogs too, and the daily Squee, and whatever else cheers you up.
hugs,
hermione
Silly WordPress.
I have found http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com and that is perfect for the kind of people that use the P word.