Being A Sub Does Not Make Me A B***H

The title of this was changed by Himself. I was extra good/dull and asked him before I wrote it. He was not very subtle about how I was not allowed to use that word so I did not but honestly, it was the best word for the job and you would have thought that a wordsmith such as he is would understand that.

But for now I will let that issue lie and potter on with my wondering.

In fact, when I think of the title, I am not sure either word is right. I am not sure that I am a “sub.”

A submissive is someone who submits. Well, we all submit sometimes and I get no great thrill out of submitting, I don’t think.

I am just a girl who loves a man who spanks her and tells her off when she does things he disapproves of. I acquiesce more than I submit. But I do not have the space for a novel here so I will use the word “sub,” only please take it with a pinch of salt or lemon or whatever garnish suits your palate.

And if this turns into a rant let me know. I have sent it to Himself for a rant check. I do not want it to be a rant. I am not angry, just thoughtful. I have a conclusion that has nothing to do with rage, so keep reading to the end if I sound rantful and let me know what you think then please.

I have read many times on many different blogs, sites and forums the whole “I will (do) submit to one man but him only and the rest of the world had better watch out because if they try and tell me what to do …” various empty threats follow.

I have so much to say about this.

Firstly, I wish these people would not be mean to other people. Mean is mean no matter what your point. Other people are not props and I hope that no one ever kicks another person to make a point about how she can only be told what to do by one man.

Secondly, I think it is silly tomake big speeches about how hard one is. People who are really hard don’t feel the need to say it. They just are able to stand up for themselves and be assertive and authoritative. It is only really stupid bad guys in James Bond films who explain all they have done to their “victim” before the lazar does the making fractions out of your enemies thing. Making a speech about how scary you are just says, “I am not scary but please could we all pretend I am for a bit because I am feeling rubbish?”

Except without the please bit. I just put that in because I am English and legally obliged to add the word “please” wherever I can.

Thirdly, there are lots of people who can tell me what to do.

Himself tells me what to do far more often than is necessary. Someone close to Himself whom we both trust and who is lovely can tell me what to do too but in a very loving friend way. The police can tell me what to do too but I do not think one policeman or woman ever has, except there was a party once where a policeman persuaded me to have another amusebouche even though I was quite full. But I do not think he would have arrested me had I refused.

I digress.

My boss can tell me what to do but he mostly tells me to relax and not be so hard on myself. When I screw up I tend to go to him and say, “I screwed up. I am evil. I am a failure. I have sorted it out but do you think I should live in a pit for a while?”

The government tells me what to do, and I do it. Some of it I don’t mind and some of it I do but I still do it. I went on a march once, but I was terribly polite the whole time and did not drop any litter or anything.

And all these aggro subs have bosses and police and governments too. So do Tops. We all get told what to do by lots of people.

There are some Tops who waltz in (to sites or blogs or forums) and try to be all Toppy and it is rather rude and irritating. These people lack social graces and they would lack graces whether they were Tops or not. We deal with them in the same way we deal with anyone rude. We humour them, ignore them, we can gently rib them or we can politely ask them to cease and desist. If we start jumping up and down and getting all aggro with them that just makes us thuggish and odd.

There are so many lovely Tops in the world, Tops like Paul who comments here a lot and Michael who would comment here if the blessed blog would let him. Both men are perfect examples of a gentleman Top, always gracious and kind. They are calmly assertive, and engaging with either of them is like dancing a waltz. How can we expect gentlemen like this to treat us with respect if they sees us screaming like harridans at some incompetent Top who got a bit full of himself?

But more than any of this; when you find this part of yourself and you explore it, when it starts to flower, then so do you. I have found that since I have found this part of me I feel more secure, happier and more myself in the best way than I have in my whole life.

I don’t need to be horrid to people who are mean. And when I am horrid,Himself tells me off because he doesn’t want me to behave like that. He says that not only does it make me unhappy but also it just isn’t what he wants for me. It isn’t a good way to be.

It is true. When I lash out it is my unhappiness, my fear and my insecurity speaking, and my relationship with him is so loving and so fulfilling that it chips away at my unhappiness, fear and insecurity.

I think, and this is just my theory, that when this path we are on takes form, when we fully engage with it, we become better people. That is what love does anyway, no matter what form it takes. Love transforms you and makes you more than you were before.

That is why especially when you are a “sub” or whatever word you like to use, you really, really do not have to be a b%^*h.*

*I really do wish I could use that word. Oh well, love transformed another thing.

Would you like another?