Tops That I Love

This is about not listening to the woman you love and what a good thing that can be.
No does mean no though, before anyone gets confused and thinks I am being useless at sticking up for women. I am writing a very specific piece for a very specific relationship. It can’t be rushed.

No man is automatically a Top to me. I understand the term, and it is a denomination and a useful one at that.I don’t go to parties, I meet people like that in my online life, so when I meet someone who says he is a Top then I know where he fits. The word tells me how he sees himself and where he fits in the scheme of things. I think it is a wonderful term and I like that it is used.

Most Tops understand that the term is a way to express how they feel about themselves, not necessarily how others feel about them. These are the Tops who are gentlemen, and I have found these men to be kind, supportive, wise, and a gift to know. One of these men is a particular friend of mine. I am not talking about Himself here. Himself is a friend toobut I will talk about him later. This other friend, I will call him M, has been absolutely invaluable as I have grown to know myself, and is the most perfect example of a Top friend and a gentleman.

M is always mindful of how I feel and has the lightest touch, which makes me feel safe when I am unsure and comforted when I am nervous. He is wise and I ring him when I am confused, and he explains things to me with the greatest patience and makes sure that I understand before he lets me go. He admonishes me sometimes but gently, as is his way, although I have found that to be much worse than being snapped at, which one can dismiss as bad manners or indigestion. His admonishment always fitswith what Himself wants for me, as they are friends, and it is a deep and abiding friendship.

There are times when it is so frightening to admit things to myself, and then I struggle and sometimes seek out M. He is a strong, dear man who has never left me feeling anything other than confident and safe. He is loved, I am glad to say, by a wonderful woman who I am proud also to call a friend.

My relationship with M is pure but private. He is an amalgam of confessor, brother, and daddy, and someone with the deepest insights into all kinds of stuff that makes me so wide eyed that I do not know what to call it. I adore him.

He shares a quality with Himself, and it is this quality I would like to describe now.

I have a relatively new understanding of all this, this thing we do, and nothing makes me feel as childlike as this topic. So I venture to share my perception, and if it does not fit yours you will have to forgive me.

What Himself does that makes me feel so safe and so adored is that he trusts himself with me. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it isn’t at all simple when one has to do it.
Sometimes I don’t know what I want, but he knows. I will be fractious, assertive, and sound absolutely in control. This is a sign of near terror in me, and although I never have told him so, still he knows this to be true, and he sees right away what I need and ensures I get it.

Sometimes I know only that he is horribly unfair. I tell him as much and I mean every word of it. I cry at the horribleness of him yet he stays still and steady and doesn’t move an inch. I argue and I pout and I would sulk if I dared but still he smiles at me and loves me and will not change his mind.He is like dry land when I have spent a lifetime on a raft.

It is not in the least bit easy what he does. He has to trust his own judgment and rise above the tears and passionate arguments of the girl that he loves. There is selflessness to that.

I think a lesser man, a top rather than a Top, would want his own way to my detriment. I read about the litanies of demands upon some poor girl and worry for her sanity at letting someone use her like that.

I think a lesser man would give me my own way when it would easier for him to do so than to stand firm. I think he would see trouble ahead and back down. I think he would listen to my words and forget what he knows of me. At best I would be bored but it is more likely that I would chew him up and spit him out. I would feel horrible though, unloved, unlovable, and alone.

But that is not Himself and that is not me.He trusts himself like I trust him.
M has this quality. I know he does because I have seen it in him and sensed its effect in the woman he loves.I know it is hard to submit, to yield and accept. I also think it is no mean feat to be the kind of Top who makes a woman smile deeply and feel contentment right down to her toes.

Would you like another?