I am in the fortunate and unfortunate position of having a man with a loving eye, a keen interest and a guiding hand, all focussed upon me.
Whilst this is a wonderful thing and makes me feel cherished and adored it has the unpleasant side effect of meaning that sometimes I have to do things that I do not want to do.
I am happy writing things that have happened, writing real events and bringing them back to life, just recording and sharing the experiences that I have been lucky enough to have. I love that, even when it is embarrassing to admit what I have done or what has been done to me, I can recall the feelings, bring them back for myself. I like that I share them and tell other people, maybe make them smile or make them feel a little of what I felt.
I think of myself before I met this man and I write for my earlier self. I want to let her know that it will be ok and to tell her that if she can just hold on it will turn out better than she could ever imagine.
But, alas, writing what has happened is not the task that I have been set. I have to write a “story”, a made up story, a tale from my mind. I do not want to. It is scary writing things from my mind. It makes me nervous to have such free rein. What is what I desire and what I imagine is wrong? What if what I dream of makes other people shudder and turn away?
I have done it before. “Three” was all made up. I just do not want to do it again. It is “good for me.” Blugh. Do you know what is good for me? Chocolate and wine.
I am planning on sulking until Wednesday morning – it is due on Wednesday evening.
Wish me luck please.
And good luck doing whatever it is that you do not want to do this week.
Hi Poppy! Just found you through Spanking Minnesota. I'll put you on my blogroll and come back for more.
Venting is good, Poppy. It clears the mind and the emotions so that you can get on with what needs to be done, what HAS to be done. Sulking on the other hand is counterproductive, so knock it off and get to work.
-The Eye
Poppy, I can see that you don't even need to read Carlos Castaneda to appreciate the value of "not doing"!
Thank you Spanky!
Dev- I am trying, I really am. The problem is that I just don't want to. I am most inspired at this time by Carlos Castaneda's discussions on "not doing" (thanks Karl!) and feel I must allow these ideas to fully process as to rush them is against the artistic spirit.
Uh huh.
Poppy, but do you have the necessary Cactus buttons and Mushrooms to send yourself to that spiritual level.
I believe that it is somewhat higher than subspace, are you sure you want to go there?
Warm hugs,
Paul.
If it would get me out of this task then I would be happy to go there Paul.
Are you referring to one of those peyote style vision journeys? I have always been fascinated by those and would leap at the chance but the strongest drug I go anywhere near is chocolate and the odd tipple. But if my local supermarket starts selling peyote and I can get a week off work then I will be first in the queue!
and Dev I am reading your "Uh huh" as an affirmative as it is an Americanism and I have no bable fish in my ear so a best guess translation will have to do.
Poppy, give free rein to your imagination which brought forth your marvelous 'Three.' Be true to yourself and don't worry about what other people may think because you know what your man with the loving eye will think, and that's all that really matters.
You are so lovely Michael. I am trying, I really am. Something will be handed in on Wednesday, himself will let me know if it is any good and help me make it better if it is rubbish.
Goodnight.
xx